BPI Birth traumatic for Moms too - do you have problems too?

[admin]

I too, have some unusal problems. My baby was only 8lb 1oz. She was baby #5. I didn't tear, but my pubic bone was killing me. I went back to the doctor, I could hardly walk. They gave me more meds. 30 Tylox. baby is 8 months old now. It's not that sore now, but the "floor" of my vagina is weak. I have to use kegel cones. My "new" OB said that I'm too young (40) for surgery to correct this. Maybe if I was 60. It's like "working out" down there...
as for the sadness, it is unbelievably overwhelming. Just because I understand what I'm going through, and my new responsibilites,I still experience all the emotion that comes with it. I find that as long as I'm moving forward towards her recovery, I'm better. We have 4 other small children, and it's a welcomed "distraction" just doing activities with them. They are all involved in the baby's therapies we do all day throughtout the day as well.
I also noticed that if I think about myself for a few seconds, I'll cry. Just typing that sentence right there was enough to blur these keys.
So I really do not "do" for me anymore right now. At night, when everyone is sleeping, I will do the crying and hyperventalating. I don't want my other kids to see that.
My mother insisted on me getting my hair done the other day. The whole time I was sitting there, I was crying a little bit. Some how I feel "selfish" if I spend any minutes on myself, when I could be doing more weight bearing with the baby or something...when she sleeps, I clean.
There were times when I could hardly speak to her. When she plays with just one arm, sometimes that gets to me. Some weird kind of deep sadness. If only he had been more careful that day,...then at the same time, I am so greatful that he got her out safely and seemingly, so far, without any brain damage.
Then, of course, I think about all the other children with special needs at the therapy place, and how greatful I am that she "only" has OBPP. Then , naturally, I get back to the but she was perfect right before she came out...blah, blah, blah
I can't afford to dwell on these things, because, for me, it would be going backwards.
I wondered if anyone's pubic bone hurt even before the delivery...mine hurt then too.
Well, that was a good little cry, I'm going to go clean the kids room now.
Oh, one more thing...I noticed that when I "react like" she is 'just another baby', then both myself, AND the baby do much better. I am well aware of the vibrations that babies are capable of picking up. Therefore, if my spirit is too down on occasion, my husband will play with the baby until I recover. That's ususally aroung 30 to 60 min. or so.
Basically, I'm striving for balance over here. With these new appointments and all the responsibilites I already have, I do still make time to laugh, play, and get outdoors. I'm happiest when I'm with my children & husband.
Wow, that felt good to express all that. Thank you for alowing me to share.
Love to all...

[admin]

I too have many problems resulting from my son's birth. He is now 19 months and will be having his 3rd surgery on April 5 at TCH. I experienced pelvic pains while pregnant, but was told it was just the baby's head pressing on my pelvic bone. A lot of my labor pains were lower back and pelvic. I had a 4th degree tear and despite two doctors taking almost 2 hours to "put me back together" they still sewed me up wrong. So, 15 months after the birth I had to have reconstructive surgery to try and help my situation. I was in extreme pain following the birth of my son. My tailbone hurt all the time, and I couldn't sit down for almost six months without wincing from pain. I bled all the time- after bowl movements, intercourse (on the rare occasion we had any), and had periods every two weeks. The doctors put me on all different kinds of birth control pills and none made a difference. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and too sweat all the time for no reason. I have never experienced anthing like the 18 months following my son's birth. But one thing that has made a huge difference for me was the reconstruction surgery. Yes, it was very painful recovering from. But the healing process was a lot quicker than after the birth. My husband had to take 4 weeks off of work to take care of me and the baby (you literally can't pick anything up for 4 weeks). So I was really blessed that he was able to take time off. I still have bad days more than good, and do feel "out of it" a lot. But I keep telling myself that I am not alone, that it is completely normal for me to be feeling this way and that it wasn't my choice for all of this to be happening. By the way- while I was visiting my newborn for the first time in the NICU the doctor who was in charge of the delivery told me to my face (and my mother's) that the only reason why they didn't do a c-section was because I "was overweight and overweight women don't tend to heal as well after a c-section". Yeah! Our lwayers mouth dropped too when we told him! It just amazes me and outrages me how similar all of our stories are- and I know I am not the first person to deal with this and won't be the last, and that is a tough pill to swallow. How many lawsuits does it take to get this to stop happening?

[admin]

SusanLynn and 4Jake,

Just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing and to all those on this post. It takes a lot to share such personal experiences and emotions, and I for one TRULY and deeply appreciate your sharing. I am so touched by your words and experiences. I cannot believe what some of you and your bodies have been through. It is just unbelievable!

4Jake,
In response to your question, how many lawsuits will it take to stop this insanity???? I could be wrong, but personally believe these lawsuits will NEVER stop these injuries. It has been our only recourse or at least the only recourse that we think we have. It might make a difference here or there for a few doctors personally, but in my heart, I am convinced it will not, not, not make any difference whatsoever on the whole picture. Actually, lawsuits will probably mean even less in the future, since all these caps are being put into place and doctors are now being allowed bo have bare insurance. There will be less and less lawyers willing to take our childrens cases and this is all part of the ob/gyn's plans, I am sure. MUCH more than lawsuits needs to be done if we are ever to begin to make a bit of true progress with this horrific injury.

[admin]

The worst part is seeing my son NOT be able to do stuff. One of my older kids gave him an apple because he wanted it, it really was too big to hold one handed so he dropped it on the floor and started rolling it with his nose so he could bite it. I watched for a minute because I wanted to see how he would handle a situation like that, his sibling never gave a second thought to giving him the apple, she just loves her brother and wanted to give him what he wanted... anyway I'll be darned if he did not eat as much of that apple as he wanted rolling on the floor the whole time (like bobbing for apples) on the one hand it was heartbreaking and i had to literally hold my self back from "rescuing" him, but my heart swelled with pride when I realized that this injury will not defeat him. He ate that damn apple. We need to remember little situations liek that when we are down because otherwise I for one would never be "OK". This doctor didn't really ruin my sons life (allegedly of course...)he just slowed him down a bit. It is just a really hard pill to swallow (the tylenol3 was better!).

[admin]

wow, pretty much...just wow. I cannot tell you how many emotions I felt reading your short delicate post. Wow, did that hit home. I'm with you. Obsticles are there to overcome and strenghten character.
sending heartfelt warmth...

[admin]

Wow x 1,00000000.....You just made me cry because I know what it is like to have to watch and not help. It is so hard to just watch when all you ever want to do is help your child with all your heart. COL

[KristieM]

Yup, "null" got me crying, too! It's amazing what our OBPI children are teaching us. Their determination is amazing and inspiring.

[admin]

To the posters who feel screwed up, etc. and to all of us who at times feel like we are losing our minds over this injury, I just wanted to share that one of the very, very best remedies for healing and finding our sanity is by taking ACTION and DOING something about this injury. As a mental health professional working with individuals suffering from depression, difficult circumstances, etc., time and time again it is through empowerment and taking action to make change that results in healthier mental states. I feel with this injury we often feel paralyzed and so helpless to really take action and do anything about this injustice. I just hope that people don't forget their own personal ability to make a difference and I would suspect through involvement and taking action (when and if you ever are interested) you will make a huge difference in your emotional state. Moving out of the victim role into being proactive and having a voice and a sense of power does wonders! Plus it may help future babies as well!

[admin]

zI had a cathater in for a long time. I could not void. I had many things done to me. I still see a urologist. It was a nightmare having this in and it kept me imobile after my son was born. I have to also give myself an enema everyday to empty myself. I also have to push and push the urine out with all I can. I cannot feel if I need to go and when I guess I am full, I leak. It has backed into my kidneys. I was told to deal with it or have a bag. I chose to deal with it.

[angie1]

Screwed up!!! THats an understatement. My little girl is 3 and i still cant get over the sadness!!! Words cannot describe my feelings. Such an unexpected disaster thats what i call it , a disaster that should have been avoided. My prayers and thoughts are with you
Angela