guilt

[Karen Hillyer]

How true this is- what wise words
Karen

[PeggyUBPN]

I think guilt just comes with the territory for mothers beccause we want, of course, the very best for our children. And... you must allow yourself to go through the stages of dealing with the injury; they may vary, but mine went like this:

Happy my daughter was alive
Sad and scared that she was injured
depressed and felt isolated (this was before there was much on the Internet)
Angry when I found informtion on the Internet and realized that the physician should have/and did know better
Energized to find out all that I could and support, help and educate others.

There were a few more times of depression thrown in there, but all in all having a child with a bpi has opened up my eyes to more of this world. Trying to find the benefit in the old saying... "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...plus, there are so many wonderful people in my life now I would have otherwise never known.

Peggy

[Kathleen M]

I always feel so sad when I read that a mother feels guilty because her child was "injured". This is not your fault and you did not deliver your own child. You paid a professional to take care of you and your child and that person failed to delivery your child without injury.

I am 64 and robpi and never once did I, nor do I now, ever think this happened because of something my Mother did.
I did not know how guilty she must have felt or how angry she might have been. Even though she told me everything about my birth and my arm she left out her personal pain. We talked about my arm quite a bit but she hid her feelings of pain and guilt. Of course as a mature adult I now see that there were many signs of her hurt and pain I just did not connect them to me.

I smoked when I was pregnant. I don't drink but we were allowed to if we wanted. I drank tons of tea and coffee and ate what I wanted. The doctors encouraged me to smoke because I gained no weight and had huge babies for my size. I was 11 lb 14 oz. at birth. In the good old days they thought nothing would hurt the baby and that the placenta was a filter. All three of my kids are healthy and I had a SD birth that was truly rough with my first and she was my smallest baby she weighed only 8 lb 3 oz. -- She was transverse and sunny side up and a facial presentation. My doctor delivered her without BPI because he had the skill and at the time he invited staff in to witness the maneuvers and that was 37 years ago.

I guess what I am trying to say is this is not your fault, you are not to blame. The more I learn about my injury the more I marvel at the wonderful care my mother gave to me.

I am on UBPN Board of Directors now and I stayed and volunteer to honor my own Mother and all the hard work she put into getting me moving. I don’t want to leave out how hard I fought her about nagging me to use my arm and telling me to keep my thumb out. I was so annoyed at her for always staying on top of me. I send a big apology to her in heaven every once in awhile when I feel guilty.
Kath

[jep98056]

It seems that every week or so there is a post like yours. The emotional drain on OBPI parents is apparent and it’s disheartening to know that injuries are occurring. My parents were devastated by my injury. Tears well up when I speak to my Mother (she is 95) about it so, for her, the pain and guilt has diminished with time but has never completely gone away. My Mother has said that my Father was very angry when my injury was apparent and would have liked to give the delivery doctor a good beating!! However, they quickly focused on finding medical help and their dedication and sacrifices to ensure my maximum possible recovery cannot be overstated. They worked very hard to provide physical therapy and later, surgery. In 1939 money was tight and there was no medical insurance to help. The financial impacts remained for many years.

All during my childhood and adult life my parents treated me as they treated my siblings: with love and respect without undue attention to my injury. They let me figure out what I could and could not do and I will be forever grateful for that. My Mother often asks "Did we do enough?" and I always answer "YES!" because it is true.

So, as others have suggested, focus on the task at hand: providing the very best medical help to achieve the maximum possible recovery for your child. Be prepared to sacrifice your time, effort, and money to make this happen which may mean unintended sacrifices for your other children. As you child grows, think about the future years when you're not around and ensure your child receives the education and training to lead a productive life. Finally, the emotional roller coaster for you and your child will continue. However, you and your child will learn to cope with the injury. How well your child copes will likely be influenced by how well you do.

John P.

[PeggyUBPN]

great post, John!
Something we can all benefit from being reminded of )

Thanks,
Peggy

[admin]

Wow John. I really enjoyed your post. I even had to copy it and forward it on to my mother. I know my heart will hurt until I die. It just hit me reading about your mother, even at 95. I also truly appreciated your words of wisdom. You wrote so beautifully. Thanks for sharing and inspiring me to keep my focus. I hope to see you around here more often.