guilt

[admin]

Am I the only one who goes through guilt daily about my child. I don't know about any of you but being very young I was not ready for a child and thought about having an abortion. I backed out in the parking lot of the clinic. Everyday I think I am being punished for this. Also because I got pregnant while on the bcp I had gone to some parties and smoked some mari juana. I spend everyday thinking I am the worst parent in the world. I don't know what to do to get over it.

[cherie_hohertz]

Dear Guest,

I totally know where you're coming from. I felt guilty (and still do pretty often) about the fact that my daughter has a BPI. I smoked cigarettes before I knew I was pregnant, I drank alcohol before I knew I was pregnant, stayed out late, didn't take very good care of myself sometimes, worked long hours while PG, didn't know enough about childbirth to demand a C-S, you name it, I thought it. I thought Sarah's injury was my "payback" for doing all these things.

However, do any reading on BPIs, and you will see that NONE of these things cause the injury.. Your actions during pregnancy didn't cause the injury.. And chances are, you couldn't have prevented the injury.

I think every mother on this board has gone through guilt at some point. While I can't tell you when it gets better, I can tell you that it does. Sure, we're all going to have our bad days, but look at your baby and think about all the wonderful times ahead. Yes, this is a devastating injury, but one that is manageable.

Keep your head up and feel free to come to this board at any time. We've all been where you are!

Cherie

[admin]

Be careful ladies what you write. This can be used against you and believe me the attorneys will pick at your past. No matter how are past was or what happened to our kids, even if you know the doc was wrong, the doctors attorney will use this. Sign as guest nexy time.

[admin]

I am aware that they will twist things around and try to use things against you. They basically have a right to everything including your dayplanners, journals, etc. If they want to find dirt I am sure there are many ways that they can. It is sick. I also hope people don't get overly paranoid about sharing since that why these boards are here. Posting as guest, null or whatever is a safer route, I am sure. However, I think half of this country, probably more, either drinks or smokes. I don't see any huge crime in that, so I hope the previous poster doesn't get too concerned. I appreciated the honesty.

To the original poster, PLEASE know this isn't about pay backs. It is about people not being skilled to perform their jobs and has NOTHING to do with you. Just because you questioned the pregnancy doesn't mean that you are any less of a mother. In time I hope you know that in your heart, and that you allow yourself to begin to let go of the guilt. Guilt really isn't a freind and I think it just gets in the way of living to the fullest. You may want to explore all of this with a counselor and/or someone you really trust. Get it out and don't let it eat you up inside. Life is too short to beat yourself up, plus our thoughts and energy can be utilized in much more productive ways. Best wishes to you.

[Tami]

Please don't feel guilty..none of that led to this injury...this is something that happens that the doctors don't tell us about and they don't check for it.....it is not your fault.....


I feel guilty everyday about my daughters injury and am currently getting professional help to work through the anger and guilt.

Good luck.
Tami

[admin]

We all feel this huge guilt about our children, i don't ever want to leave my child with anyone except my husband. i worry all the time, i look at his arm and just get soooooooooo mad too!
i don't know if my doctor wasn't properly trained or if he just freaked when the baby was stuck.
But the logical adult in me knows that i am doing everything possible for him and that it was in no way my fault!
Have faith in yourself,love your child and get through each day as best you can! i truly believe that god DOES NOT punish!
love to all!

[admin]

As a mother of an older OBPI child (he is 24 years old) I am well past the guilt stage. My energies have been driven by the need to make the best of what he has. As a parent we can only love and protect them and prepare them for the rest of their lives. What's done is done but we can make a difference to what can be. Love your child and prepare them for life by encouraging them to be the best they can be. It is limitless what they can achieve. Enjoy the young years as they grow up so fast. DON'T BEAT YOUR SELF UP it is not our fault that they were injured.

[admin]

As much as I don't believe in smoking or drinking during pregnancy, you cannot blame yourself for this injury. Nothing that you did could have caused this at all. It is natural for a mother to feel guilty when ANYTHING happens to her child. It will get better as time goes on and you will realise that it isn't your fault.
There are days when I feel so sorry for my child, but the guilt has gone away. The first year of life was a whole guilt trip for me. I honestly thought I caused this to happen from gaining so much weight during the pregnancy. Then I would remember how healthy I ate and how I exercised while pregnant. So where did my weight come from. (And so you know, I never smoked or even had a sip of alcohol while preg) No matter what I knew I did right, I thought I was still the one in the wrong. I looked at my baby and said, "I am so sorry that this happened to you." When I said this, I didn't even know what I meant by it. Now when I say this I say that I am sorry you have to go through so much since your birth day and up until today. I am sad. I am still a bit mad. I am not guilty. Maybe this is mean to say, but honestly I think my OBGYN should be the one who feels guilty since he was the one who took my baby's healthy arm away.
The more you concentrate on getting your child's arm better, the easier it will be for you to forget about the guilt.
Good luck and feel better!

[admin]

I came from a very poor family and had a lot of problems when I was growing up. I tried to use these as a crutch. One teacher once told me that it was not how you came into the world it is the mark you leave while you are here. The things of the past are in the past and can not be changed. YOu are in the here and now and are doing the best you can for your child. thats what counts. God bless you for being brave enough to back out of the abortion and having the strength to raise your child.

[admin]

For 7 years since my daughters birth, I have felt guilt. Why? Because after going for frequent ultrasounds when I was pregant to actually AVOID any kinds of birth problems for her delivery, and then having conflicting ultrasound data by 2 different people...I trusted the reasoning the Dr. gave me for the misinformation and believed him that my body could handle her birth. When she was born, she had asphyxia for 29 minutes. I will not go into all of her many disabilities due to this delivery. But if I would have taken the time to get a second opinion, maybe my Jordan could have been one less child who has to endure frequent ortho appts, therapies, surgeries, and school IEP's and relive what happened every day. I am now a believer in second opinions....but at the price of my daughter.