Thanks- I need more advice

[tgiesler]

First I want to thank everyone that answered when I posted looking for the best doctor for our now almost 5 month old Robert. We have been in touch with TCH and Shriners in Minn. Robert has been doing great and has gained alot in the last month, however we still do not have return of biceps. He is able to turn his hand to a more neutral position but can't fully supinate or flex at his elbow. I have had a really hard time with all this because I feel I am responsible for his injury because we knew he was big and were offered the option to have a C-section. I decided to wait and discuss it further with my doctor and in the process went into labor. Everthing progressed fine. Delivery of his head went great, but then his shoulder's got stuck. My husband said our OB really crancked hard on his neck. My husband and my in-laws feel that we should pursue legal action. I really don't feel it is right because I blame myself for his injury. IF I had opted for the C-section I feel this wouldn't have happened. I am really lost as to what to do. I have been suffering from severe post partum depression because I feel I hurt my child by making the wrong decision and now he has to suffer the consequences.

[admin]

I wish I could change your thinking right now.
This injury is NOT your fault. Many of us have been in your shoes and knew or felt that the baby was going to be large. What you have to realize is that it is NOT your responsibility to decide on whether or not to have a C-Section. That is why we have doctors! It is THEIR job to decide for it or against it with maybe some of our input, as the mother, if anything at all. It's sad that it takes something like this injury to happen before we feel the need to act as the doctor and request a C-Section because we know what can or will happen. We didn't know the risks, but the doctors should. You didn't know that your child was going to be injured nor would you ever want that to happen to your child. Please don't believe that this is your fault.
We have a legal suit against our doctor currently because I feel that it was the doctor at fault. I did a lot of thinking before we decided to do this.
I hope you come to realize that you are not at fault and I hope you can enjoy your little one with out guilt in your mind.
You are his mom and he needs you to be strong for him! Good luck to you! You deserve some rest from all of this negative thinking! Take a long hot bath and make yourself understand that this is not your fault at all! (((HUGS)))

[Allison]

some advice....Doctors are trained on how to relieve a shoulder dystocia. This is not your fault. There are MANY maneuvers that could have been used. Get the medical records of the birth and go through them with a fine tooth comb. YOU did not tell you doctor to apply 40-100 pounds of force on your childs head and neck. Dont blame yourself. Focus on getting help for your little one. If he still does not have biceps back yet, primary is probably needed. Dont wait on this.

[claudia]

I can only say this in capital letters: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. IT IS THE DOCTOR'S RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW HOW TO RELIEVE A SHOULDER DYSTOCIA SITUATION AND HE DID NOT DO THIS.

Get your records, stay in touch with the bpi specialists. Ask around for a really reputable medmal attorney and persue legal action. My docs had been in charge of my ob/gyn care for 20 years before my daughter was injured. It took the neurologist to convince me of what I had to do. People think it is easy to sue. I assure you, it is not. But it is worth the effort. Pursue every avenue.

I will reiterate: THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT

By the way, we have been going to tch for all of our daughter's care. We are thrilled with them.

good luck,
claudia

[m&mmom]

Please do not feel like this is your fault. I had problems with guilt myself in the beginning. My daughter was born with bpi, then 19 months later we had Matthew and he has a permanent injury. If you're not sure what to do legally, check with an attorney to see what the time limits for filing are in case you do decide, maybe your doctor should have taken more or a role and instead of offering he should have taken a firmer stand.

I'm not sure about the Shriner's in Minn but the one in Philly is outstanding, we just switched over there from TCH. Good luck with your decisions and know you can always come here for support.

Cindy

[admin]

I know how you feel. I too had the option for a c-section. See my daughter was born via c-section, she was breech when my water broke. My son was a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Ceseran). So many times I blamed myself for not opting for the c-section, but bottom line, I do not have the title of M.D. And now with legal action, ball rolling. I know I was not to blame for my son injury.

[Sophie's Mom]

Our circumstances were different, but I felt guilty too - playing the "what if" game. It gets better with time. It takes energy away from your own recovery from ppd, and you need your strength. You can't beat yourself up about the decision - it's not your fault. You were not trained in Obstetrics. And you can't change the past. Yes, things may have been different, but they aren't, so you need to chanel your energy into your recovery and your child's recovery.

We looked into taking legal action, and during the process reviewed our daughter's birth records. It was very helpful for us. It helped us to see that while things were bad, they could have been a lot worse (such as brain damage, etc). I am grateful every day that she is doing so well, and instead of thinking "what if," I now say, "Thank God." Hope you can find peace somehow.
Take care.
Tina

[admin]

I'm with everyone else: It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault. IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT!!! (re-read several times until this convinces you!)
One of the reasons I think the BPI is so awful is because it doesn't just damage the baby's arm; it damages the mother's psyche something fierce. You are a perfect example of this, and I have said the same things you are saying now. My baby was huge - I begged for a C-section and the doctor overruled me. I spent months saying I should have fought harder; it was my fault (see first paragraph!). I love my baby so much, and he depended on me to get him into this world safely, and I let him down. His own mother, who loves him more than life, let him down. To which I now say: Hogwash! The DOCTOR let him down.
Don't rule out legal action. Right now you are in the beginning stages of all this, and it's not necessarily the right time to decide to sue. That's why you have a statute of limitations, to examine the evidence and make a decision about what is best over a reasonable time period. But I have met lots of BPI moms, and without exception, every single one has ended up suing. And every one of them had a good case. So put that decision on the back burner, but don't rule it out.
In the meantime, make friends here, share your thoughts and fears, ask questions, read and learn all you can about BPI - your precious son needs you to fight for him, and it sounds like you are doing a great job for him.
Now just quit blaming yourself for the injury. Please.

[tgiesler]

Thank you all for responding. It is helpful to know that others have felt how I am feeling. I can not tell you how much I appreciate all the advice and support.