Tips on fighting depression and feeling normal

[AngelaW]

I've noticed a BIG topic is the feelings of sadness and depression that seem to go hand in hand with this injury. I was hoping to get newbies and veterans alike to give tips on how they coped/are coping with those feelings and learned/are learning how to feel like a normal human being again. I consider this a healing process of the mind/spirit as well as the body and a grieving process too. There are so many ways to make yourself feel better and stay positive so please feel free share them.
For me, one of the best things I did for myself after I got home from the hospital was to put myself on a SCHEDULE that follows a normal working day. No matter which surgery I was recovering from, or how much pain I was in, I set my alarm for a time to wake up (7am-8am for me) and made it my goal to get up and out of bed at that time. It seems like such a small thing, but there is a reason why they say retirement kills. Without a job and any responsibilities, it's sooo easy to just sit all day and just think about how bad you feel and that just makes you feel worse. Also, you start the cylce of sleeping later and later which affects your sleep pattern and you end up staying up later and later...... I never appreciated how much structure a job gives to your life until I I was jobless.
Physical activity was the other big thing, and I mean ANY kind of movement, even if it's just standing up for 10 minutes (and I've been in a wheelchair 3 different times, so this can be hard to do ). It's soooo frustrating to not be able to get the level of activity I could get before, but I just try to adapt and set SMALL goals for myself. Currently I go the the gym and do arm excercises in the pool, get the most of the 3 (only 3 so far) weight machines that I can correctly use for my legs, and walk around the track. Before that, when I was too injured I would make it a goal just to walk around my parents house. I noticed even by doing that my sleeping also improved as I was actually doing things to make my body tired.
One other simple thing that helps me is just getting some sun. Gotta love that vitamin D . Honestly, just sitting in the sun is an instant mood lifter for me.
These are some of the things that have helped me feel better. I'm looking foreward to hearing about things (big or small)the rest of you do.....

[jmar]

i wrote this a few days ago
hope it helps someone

accept yourself

accept yourself as you are
appreciate yourself as you
you are not perfect
your body may be injured
but dont let that be who you are
your attitude may not be perfect
but you can change it
it is your decision to
continue being your best self
or being less than your best
it is your job now to learn
how to live a different life
than you had before
it is hard but you can do it
with a lot of hard work and determination
it will get frustrating, annoying, and
feeling like life aint worth it that is normal
and fine to feel that way
but it is not fine to keep feeling that way
so put you head up, smile, and say
I WILL BE MY BEST SELF NO MATTER
WHAT HAPPENS TO ME

written by Joyce Clemons

[cristinam]

This an great thread to start Angela! You are so right, so many posts lately have been about staying in good spirits. And Joyce, that was an excellent poem; I couldn't have said it any better.

You have the choice, and you have to deliberately make the conscious decision to be happy. Having my injury caused by a car accident my mentality and perspective on life changed really fast. And it really helps me to see life as being lucky to be here, living and loving life. Though it may take me longer to do things, being in a lot of pain afterward, and battling with frustrations of not being able to do things (and don't forget the excitement of finding new ways), just the fact that I can do that cheers me up. I love the outdoors and sunshine (sorry Angela, I would just about die in yalls winters- not sure how you get you dosage of vitamin D) so going on walks and just being outdoors helps. Being able to focus on and treasure all of the little (big) things in life is amazing(and being quite easily amused helps a lot.... ). Also taking time for just me to just reflect on life, while maybe listening to music, helps me keep life in perspective. Just a few things that have helped.

Things happen for a reason, it's not an easy journey, but it has made me a better/'stronger' person. I can say I have quite a different view on life and have learned SO much on so many different levels. “Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Anyways always remember to keep a smile on your face! <3

[Brandon_3]

I suffered terribly from the psychological effects of this injury and it took me a long time to figure out just what it was that I was experiencing. Fortunately or should I say unfortunately my step-father died about 1 year post injury. And what I noticed my mother going through, I was going through. And although I had heard about the grieving process it wasn't until I saw someone else going through it that I made the connection. It was very helpful to me because I understood that I was going through a natural process and that there truly was an end to it. Huge Relief! There are five stages to grief and it applies when you lose a loved one just as much as losing a limb. I copied this from the first site I googled instead of posting the link. I hope this can help someone else.
A Normal Life Process

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.
Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Grief And Stress

During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.
Recovering From Grief

Grieving and its stresses pass more quickly, with good self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of family or friends. It also helps to eat a balanced diet, drink enough non-alcoholic fluids, get exercise and rest.

Most people are unprepared for grief, since so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If good self-care habits are always practiced, it helps the person to deal with the pain and shock of loss until acceptance is reached.

Brandon

[dani_was_here]

I have been struggling with depression for months. I was let go from my job, my dad passed away, my surgery was unsuccessful, I tried going back to school to retrain and ended up with tendonitis in my good hand. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt totally useless and not needed, until the day my daughter came to me and told me she was expecting my second grandchild and the father was not intending to be involved. The light came on I was needed. Within a week I had a job interview managed to pressure my disability insurance company, who had cut off my benefits, into a settlement. For me the realization that my family did still need me turned things around. Just remember that no matter who you are you are still special and your family and friends do still need you, just because you are you. As long as you have family and friends who care about you, and you do, you will always have a reason to keep going.

[ArmStrong]

DO YOU KNOW WHY A CARS WINDSHIELD IS SO LARGE AND THE REAR VIEW MIRROR IS SO SMALL? BECAUSE OUR PAST IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS OUR FUTURE SO LOOK AHEAD AND MOVE ON.

[bill de brooklyn]

the thing that helped me, before I got counseling was sports. At the time of my injury, I had hope to be an Olympian. after the injury, it became important for me to compete again. I began by riding my road bicycle and racing against able bodied racers. soon I was all but winning training rides and citizen races. Being active and living an active life will most certainly offset some of the depression. three years ago I learned how to swim. seven years ago I took up fly fishing. I learned to ski only after I became disabled. and yes I like to be in the sun light too!

Bill

[Master DIVER TOM]

Depression , What to do about it. You are on your way to fill a little by being here. If you fell depressed because of something thats happen ,Post here. Felling normal happens in time and trying things one handed ,ETC. Realize that If you can not do things with your limitation, that in no way means you fail by trying. Been there so many-times , but I have felt great like driving a semis. You would not believe how many doctors gave me a hard time with a DOT physicals , because of my ERBS. I past the DOT exam because of my safe driving record driving semi for 25 years. Somethings there are a act of God,I live one.
Best Tries,
Tom

[hilltopfwb]

I think you have to get by yourself and accept that your life didn't end and that means God obviously has expectations of you. You CANT feel sorry for yourself, you must determine to do things on your own as much as possible and go on with your life. I was fortunate that much of my responsibilities at work involve leading and thinking. I got back to work 6 weeks after my injury on a limited basis and gradually moved into my full responsibilities again. Working, thinking, being busy helped me process that I was still useful and "had a life". I think focusing on those things helped me move on. I have a wife, 2 children and a whole staff (38 employees) depending on me....I couldn't allow myself to get depressed! All of us need to just "fight on" when we are depressed

[djk]

i tend to think feeling depressed at times is normal. so my tip would be to feel it. allow yourself to be down. do not allow yourself to wallow in it for extended periods. just like if you hit your thumb with a hammer it's gonna hurt for a while, but it gets better over time. my injury is not the first thing i've had down periods about and it will not be the last. it's not the only thing in my life i currently get down about either. but, in the theme of the topic i find exercise to be a real good relief giver so that would off the top of my head be number one tip.