how old was your child when she began to
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marymom
- Posts: 692
- Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2001 5:05 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: Teen aged home birthed son with OBPI
- Location: Fort Pierce, FL
how old was your child when she began to
how old was your child when she began to explain for herself about her erbs palsy? I was reading the dentist comment below and it prompted me to wonder if I should be letting Max answer these questions by himself?...or atleast not be so quick to jump right in. I dont think at 3 or even 4 they are capable but....
EzekielMax is pretty shy, he is 3 1/2 and doesnt talk anyways, (to people he doesnt know, try to hush him up in the van...thats a different story)if you asked him what color is your hair or do you have a sister...he might not choose to talk anyways,. but when people he doesnt know ask him things I often will reask them for him, like Ill say, hey Ezekiel this lady would like to know if you have a sister do you want to tell her? or something, trying to prompt him, but I nbotice if someone asks him about his arm(usually doesnt happen but sometimes it does) I take over completely...
I wonder at what age he will take over, and I if defining it in a different way other than setting up a victim scenario might be healthy? For example I always (well usually-) say it was a birthing injury, (automatically makes him a victim) rather han just say he has erbs palsy as a result of a birthing emergency- I do say that sometimes... I dont think it matters too much ...symantics and all, but I do think its healthy for our children at some point to answer for themselves, at what age did your child begin answering for himself, questions about his arm, erbs palsy, etc-?
EzekielMax is pretty shy, he is 3 1/2 and doesnt talk anyways, (to people he doesnt know, try to hush him up in the van...thats a different story)if you asked him what color is your hair or do you have a sister...he might not choose to talk anyways,. but when people he doesnt know ask him things I often will reask them for him, like Ill say, hey Ezekiel this lady would like to know if you have a sister do you want to tell her? or something, trying to prompt him, but I nbotice if someone asks him about his arm(usually doesnt happen but sometimes it does) I take over completely...
I wonder at what age he will take over, and I if defining it in a different way other than setting up a victim scenario might be healthy? For example I always (well usually-) say it was a birthing injury, (automatically makes him a victim) rather han just say he has erbs palsy as a result of a birthing emergency- I do say that sometimes... I dont think it matters too much ...symantics and all, but I do think its healthy for our children at some point to answer for themselves, at what age did your child begin answering for himself, questions about his arm, erbs palsy, etc-?
Re: how old was your child when she began to
That is a good question. Peyton will be 5 in two weeks and he has NEVER been asked about his arm except when he had his splint on for 1 week. NEVER! I have started to slowly explain to him what did happen to him though, he does'nt really understand, or at least he does'nt seem to care at this point in his life.
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KarenHillyer
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Sun Jun 23, 2002 1:49 pm
Re: how old was your child when she began to
Hi Mary
Gavin was 4 when he answered for himself, we went to a PT appt at the local child development unit and a new therapist said " hello, who are you and what are you here for today?"
I was about to answer for him and he said " My name is Gavin and I have a right Erb's Palsy, where the doctor pulled too hard on my head when i was born and he stretched my nerves in my arm, and look here, this scar is where they took the nerves from my leg to put into my arm to make uit work again"
"Woops" I thought " he's been listening to me on the phone talking to other Moms about his arm!
still, I've never had to answer form him since!
Karen
Gavin was 4 when he answered for himself, we went to a PT appt at the local child development unit and a new therapist said " hello, who are you and what are you here for today?"
I was about to answer for him and he said " My name is Gavin and I have a right Erb's Palsy, where the doctor pulled too hard on my head when i was born and he stretched my nerves in my arm, and look here, this scar is where they took the nerves from my leg to put into my arm to make uit work again"
"Woops" I thought " he's been listening to me on the phone talking to other Moms about his arm!
still, I've never had to answer form him since!
Karen
Re: how old was your child when she began to
Karen - WOW!! I am awestruck!
I haven't told Maia yet about how it happened. Although I may have to tell her something before school starts...have to think about that.
I haven't told Maia yet about how it happened. Although I may have to tell her something before school starts...have to think about that.
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admin
- Site Admin
- Posts: 19873
- Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:59 pm
Re: how old was your child when she began to
I think my little guy now 4 would tell someone if they ever asked him. These people always ask me as if I damaged my child or something. But my son is pretty outspoken, the youngest of four and he doesn't let anyone get under his skin !!!
Re: how old was your child when she began to
I began to answer very young since I rode public transportation to school... At about 6 people would stop and ask what happened to my arm. I gave the same answer all the time so I must have been prepared. When I was born the doctor pressed to hard and severed the nerve and I have Erb's Palsy. I could not move at all but I had a miracle and now I can.
It was annoying in hindsight that so many people had the nerve to stop a small child and ask questions because it brought so much attention to my arm and made the other children more aware of it... But I really don't think these people would have asked if they had thought it would hurt me... because they usually ended the conversations with a comment on my red curls... too.... so I never felt hurt by the questions when i was small.
It was annoying in hindsight that so many people had the nerve to stop a small child and ask questions because it brought so much attention to my arm and made the other children more aware of it... But I really don't think these people would have asked if they had thought it would hurt me... because they usually ended the conversations with a comment on my red curls... too.... so I never felt hurt by the questions when i was small.
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Michelle_16
Re: how old was your child when she began to
hi.
Karen that is great that Gavin answers for himself! lol im 16 and if im with my mum, she answers for me STILL! but at school when i was younger i answered and also with my music teachers simply because its been one to one and my parents havent been there. I cant really remember wot i said if someone asked when i was young, somethin along the lines of well it happened when i was born and now i cant do some things with it...very basic i suppose.
I think its cool if children can tell someone who asks exactly wot is wrong and not jst a patchy "it doesnt work properly" lol my usual answer. I think its quite nasty for strangers to jst ask why our arms are like they are...i mean i dont walk up to someone in a wheelchair and ask "why are you in a wheelchair, what happened to you" or ask some one with glasses why they wear them! it kinda annoys me!
Anyway i gotta go.
Michelle
Karen that is great that Gavin answers for himself! lol im 16 and if im with my mum, she answers for me STILL! but at school when i was younger i answered and also with my music teachers simply because its been one to one and my parents havent been there. I cant really remember wot i said if someone asked when i was young, somethin along the lines of well it happened when i was born and now i cant do some things with it...very basic i suppose.
I think its cool if children can tell someone who asks exactly wot is wrong and not jst a patchy "it doesnt work properly" lol my usual answer. I think its quite nasty for strangers to jst ask why our arms are like they are...i mean i dont walk up to someone in a wheelchair and ask "why are you in a wheelchair, what happened to you" or ask some one with glasses why they wear them! it kinda annoys me!
Anyway i gotta go.
Michelle
Re: how old was your child when she began to
Hi,
I so admire you mothers of childred with OBPI's. My son has a TBPI from a car accident. When he wore a sling for a few months I think one of the things that bothered him the most was everyone and I mean everyone asked what did you do to your arm. His classic answer was I hurt it. Of course they already knew that but I guess that answer told them he didn't want to discuss it any further. I think maybe with small children and babies when people ask they really want an answer like I fell off the swing, jumping on the bed, etc. They don't want to hear about things they have no clue about such as a birth injury call Brachial Plexus. I think they say dumb things or just walk away quickly because they are embarrassed they asked and have no clue what you just told them. I remember a couple of times Jeff tried to explain to people who asked and their classic response was oh it will get better soon. They didn't want to hear what he said that it was forever. Honestly neither did we, but you learn to. When my son got hurt almost 10 years ago the girl he had dated for a long time had a step brother with what they referred to as a bad arm. Not having a clue to what was wrong with his arm I accepted this answer. After Jeff's accident her family took his bad arm as they called it so much easier than we did. After all they had dealt with this for over 20 years already. The funny part was they didn't have a clue what it was called. They did know damage was done when he was born, but that was about all they knew. Most people don't even notice his arm now although he always has it in his pocket and some people refer to him as that guy that always has his arm in his pocket. Before he got hurt I barely ever noticed people with a disability. Just didn't pay that much attention. Now it seems like I can spot it in a second. I recall going grocery shopping with him one day once he was finally well enough to go away for a short period of time and all the people I saw with some sort of disability. I think until we deal with these sorts of things we are pretty callous about it. I really feel that people's ignorance when they ask a little one what did you do to your arm and then they pay no attention to what was said has more to do with embarrassment than anything else.
I found myself wanting to do everything for him even though he was 22 years old when it happened. I cannot imagine how I would have to struggle with myself to have let him do for himself the way you mothers with OBPI children have to do. I found myself and still do jumping up to do things for him when I see him struggling. He usually says I can do it. He lived here when the accident happened and stayed here for another 4½ years until he finished college and got a new career going. I knew for him he had to go but even at the age he was I still wanted to watch over him. He can and does do most everything for himself now. He struggles with some things but it is important for him to do it.
I so admire you mothers of childred with OBPI's. My son has a TBPI from a car accident. When he wore a sling for a few months I think one of the things that bothered him the most was everyone and I mean everyone asked what did you do to your arm. His classic answer was I hurt it. Of course they already knew that but I guess that answer told them he didn't want to discuss it any further. I think maybe with small children and babies when people ask they really want an answer like I fell off the swing, jumping on the bed, etc. They don't want to hear about things they have no clue about such as a birth injury call Brachial Plexus. I think they say dumb things or just walk away quickly because they are embarrassed they asked and have no clue what you just told them. I remember a couple of times Jeff tried to explain to people who asked and their classic response was oh it will get better soon. They didn't want to hear what he said that it was forever. Honestly neither did we, but you learn to. When my son got hurt almost 10 years ago the girl he had dated for a long time had a step brother with what they referred to as a bad arm. Not having a clue to what was wrong with his arm I accepted this answer. After Jeff's accident her family took his bad arm as they called it so much easier than we did. After all they had dealt with this for over 20 years already. The funny part was they didn't have a clue what it was called. They did know damage was done when he was born, but that was about all they knew. Most people don't even notice his arm now although he always has it in his pocket and some people refer to him as that guy that always has his arm in his pocket. Before he got hurt I barely ever noticed people with a disability. Just didn't pay that much attention. Now it seems like I can spot it in a second. I recall going grocery shopping with him one day once he was finally well enough to go away for a short period of time and all the people I saw with some sort of disability. I think until we deal with these sorts of things we are pretty callous about it. I really feel that people's ignorance when they ask a little one what did you do to your arm and then they pay no attention to what was said has more to do with embarrassment than anything else.
I found myself wanting to do everything for him even though he was 22 years old when it happened. I cannot imagine how I would have to struggle with myself to have let him do for himself the way you mothers with OBPI children have to do. I found myself and still do jumping up to do things for him when I see him struggling. He usually says I can do it. He lived here when the accident happened and stayed here for another 4½ years until he finished college and got a new career going. I knew for him he had to go but even at the age he was I still wanted to watch over him. He can and does do most everything for himself now. He struggles with some things but it is important for him to do it.
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Joann in PA
- Posts: 110
- Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2001 12:19 am
Re: how old was your child when she began to
When Joey was between 3 and 4 years old we were in the van on our way to church and one of the boys friends was in the van with us. I could hear them talking in the back and apparently the friend was asking Joey why his one arm was different from his other. Joey told him that both his arms used to be the same but he went to see the drs. in Texas and they did surgery and now the one was different but we go back so they can fix it!!! EEEKK! That got my attention real quick! 
) (How horrible to think that he thought we were taking him there to the people he thought had messed up his arm for no apparent reason...and he was ok with that!)
This was after his second surgery but before his third. I said no Joey....the drs. at Texas didnt cause your arm to be injured. Then he asked...well then who did? That is when I went through theexplanation about his head coming out and his shoulders being stuck and in the drs. attempt to get him out nerves in his neck got torn that control his arm (we have several anatomy books that we've gone over what a nerve is and how it makes a muscle work). He then asked what the name of the dr. who did it to him. I told him her name but explained that it wasnt done intentionally I'm sure and that it was something that God allowed for a reason. (Yes...I know it was preventable... I think that may be where the feeling you mentioned of "victim" comes in to play. The truth is he is a victim of an accident/mistake. The role of victim would typically call for feelings of resentment and bitterness. I want him to realize though that things happen for a reason. He has a strong faith in God through Jesus and with that solid rock for a foundation the bitterness and resentment that would result from feeling like a victim is erased. I can honestly say I see, hear and sense complete peace in Joey where his arm is concerned and I am so thankful for that! Does he wish his both arms were the same. Yes, he does. He has told me that. But he has also said that it's ok for them to be how they are because they are what they are. He is my hero.) When people or kids ask him now (he's 7) he will sometimes just say its injured...sometimes he'll go into the details and sometimes he'll just look at me and say...mom you tell them...
Take care and God's blessings to you!
) (How horrible to think that he thought we were taking him there to the people he thought had messed up his arm for no apparent reason...and he was ok with that!)This was after his second surgery but before his third. I said no Joey....the drs. at Texas didnt cause your arm to be injured. Then he asked...well then who did? That is when I went through theexplanation about his head coming out and his shoulders being stuck and in the drs. attempt to get him out nerves in his neck got torn that control his arm (we have several anatomy books that we've gone over what a nerve is and how it makes a muscle work). He then asked what the name of the dr. who did it to him. I told him her name but explained that it wasnt done intentionally I'm sure and that it was something that God allowed for a reason. (Yes...I know it was preventable... I think that may be where the feeling you mentioned of "victim" comes in to play. The truth is he is a victim of an accident/mistake. The role of victim would typically call for feelings of resentment and bitterness. I want him to realize though that things happen for a reason. He has a strong faith in God through Jesus and with that solid rock for a foundation the bitterness and resentment that would result from feeling like a victim is erased. I can honestly say I see, hear and sense complete peace in Joey where his arm is concerned and I am so thankful for that! Does he wish his both arms were the same. Yes, he does. He has told me that. But he has also said that it's ok for them to be how they are because they are what they are. He is my hero.) When people or kids ask him now (he's 7) he will sometimes just say its injured...sometimes he'll go into the details and sometimes he'll just look at me and say...mom you tell them...
Take care and God's blessings to you!
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Joann in PA
- Posts: 110
- Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2001 12:19 am
Re: how old was your child when she began to
When Joey was between 3 and 4 years old we were in the van on our way to church and one of the boys friends was in the van with us. I could hear them talking in the back and apparently the friend was asking Joey why his one arm was different from his other. Joey told him that both his arms used to be the same but he went to see the drs. in Texas and they did surgery and now the one was different but we go back so they can fix it!!! EEEKK! That got my attention real quick! ) (How horrible to think that he thought we were taking him there to the people he thought had messed up his arm for no apparent reason...and he was ok with that!)
This was after his second surgery but before his third. I said no Joey....the drs. at Texas didnt cause your arm to be injured. Then he asked...well then who did? That is when I went through theexplanation about his head coming out and his shoulders being stuck and in the drs. attempt to get him out nerves in his neck got torn that control his arm (we have several anatomy books that we've gone over what a nerve is and how it makes a muscle work). He then asked what the name of the dr. who did it to him. I told him her name but explained that it wasnt done intentionally I'm sure and that it was something that God allowed for a reason. (Yes...I know it was preventable... I think that may be where the feeling you mentioned of "victim" comes in to play. The truth is he is a victim of an accident/mistake. The role of victim would typically call for feelings of resentment and bitterness. I want him to realize though that things happen for a reason. He has a strong faith in God through Jesus and with that solid rock for a foundation the bitterness and resentment that would result from feeling like a victim is erased. I can honestly say I see, hear and sense complete peace in Joey where his arm is concerned and I am so thankful for that! Does he wish his both arms were the same. Yes, he does. He has told me that. But he has also said that it's ok for them to be how they are because they are what they are. He is my hero.) When people or kids ask him now (he's 7) he will sometimes just say its injured...sometimes he'll go into the details and sometimes he'll just look at me and say...mom you tell them...
Take care and God's blessings to you!
) (How horrible to think that he thought we were taking him there to the people he thought had messed up his arm for no apparent reason...and he was ok with that!)This was after his second surgery but before his third. I said no Joey....the drs. at Texas didnt cause your arm to be injured. Then he asked...well then who did? That is when I went through theexplanation about his head coming out and his shoulders being stuck and in the drs. attempt to get him out nerves in his neck got torn that control his arm (we have several anatomy books that we've gone over what a nerve is and how it makes a muscle work). He then asked what the name of the dr. who did it to him. I told him her name but explained that it wasnt done intentionally I'm sure and that it was something that God allowed for a reason. (Yes...I know it was preventable... I think that may be where the feeling you mentioned of "victim" comes in to play. The truth is he is a victim of an accident/mistake. The role of victim would typically call for feelings of resentment and bitterness. I want him to realize though that things happen for a reason. He has a strong faith in God through Jesus and with that solid rock for a foundation the bitterness and resentment that would result from feeling like a victim is erased. I can honestly say I see, hear and sense complete peace in Joey where his arm is concerned and I am so thankful for that! Does he wish his both arms were the same. Yes, he does. He has told me that. But he has also said that it's ok for them to be how they are because they are what they are. He is my hero.) When people or kids ask him now (he's 7) he will sometimes just say its injured...sometimes he'll go into the details and sometimes he'll just look at me and say...mom you tell them...
Take care and God's blessings to you!
