dating

[admin]

Hi all....I havn't wrote for a long time, but it's good to be back! Question: my 19 year old son has never been on a date (he has obp). He is so sure that no girl would be interested in him because of his arm. Is this common? He knows no one with his injury, and feels left out of the "normal" teen life. Any suggestions? (by the way, he is tall, blonde, and handsome, his looks don't run them off! lol)

[admin]

hi. I am 16 and i hav a right erb arm. I used to think that no one would ever like me but i was told just to be confident and not think myself to b different. i did this and in actual fact my current boy friend did not mention my arm and he does not think it is much different he just tells me it is just like some one havin to wear glasses because they cant see properly. so i think you should tell your son to get his chin up and go out there with bundles of confidence because girls will love him and if his obp is a problem to girls, they arent worth noticin but tell him to keep confident because there is plenty of people out there who will like him for who he is. Please tell him to write in these forums because i would like to talk to him(i would like to speak with someone around my age group). Michelle

[Joy in FL]

Lori,

I can only give you my experence from a TBPI. I really believe it just comes down to being able to accept who you are. Once that is done people see the confidence in you and do not even notice a problem.

When I started dating again after my accident it was very hard. I had the TBPI and I was overweight! I just knew nobody would want to date "someone like me". Once I became comfortable being TBP and overweight and accepting the fact that I was both, the guys came out of the wood work! It was a wonderful year before I met my husband! LOL I found that the men that I dated were actually very supportive. I actually had one man bring up things that I should be doing that I had not even thought of... such as a medical ID braclet.

I would really encourage him to give it a try. Dating is hard, does not matter what your "handicap" is... physical, mental, whatever... it is not easy to put yourself out there. Everybody, has baggage... some have more than others. I have also always been of the mind set that "the only thing they can say is no and it can't be any worse than sitting here wondering if they might say yes".

I am old enough to be his mother, my son will be 19 the end of the year, but if he wants to talk have him email me.

Later,
Joy

[admin]

Hi Lori! I know how your son must feel. I'm 25, right OBPI. Actually, I might not know how he feels. I'm fortunate to have an outgoing personality topped with a good sense of humor (I owe that to the arm...I think we all have great personalities here)! I was lucky in high school to have a lot of friends and was even part of the 'popular' crowd. I just acted myself and even if at times I didn't feel confident, I played it off.

Think about it: what do women look for in guys?? Normal answers are: sense of humor, good personality, sweet, kind, thoughtful, handsome, etc. I never once heard any girl say "a guy w/o OBPI"!!!

I'm sure your son will find an understanding girl soon...just tell him to stay positive and have fun in life!! You only live once!

(Maybe if you post a picture of your 19-year-old hottie, we'll all be after him)!! Haha!!

Erica DeAnn

[Lindsey]

Hey!
I'm 16, and I'll bet that no one even really notices, especially if he has some use of his arm. My left arm is bpi, and no one usually picks up that something's wrong till I tell them, or till there's something I absolutely cannot do on my own, which is very little (they tell me I learned how to compensate early on). And to echo Michelle: I'd really like to talk to someone in my age group who has the same injury. My e-mail is amystarten@hotmail.com.
-Lindsey

[admin]

I'm 30, OPBI, and my self-consciousness about it made me a later-bloomer. I didn't go on my first date till 19 either, but after that my confidence snowballed and I feel I've had just as normal a love life as the next person. If anything I'm lucky, because I never have to waste my time with vain and shallow people - the OPBI is a filter for them, and all that are left are the genuine people who are interested in ME.

Also, tell your son what I was told recently by my ex-boyfriend (we broke up for non-OPBI reasons): that I was always more concerned about it that he was. I would want to avoid the beach or a dance club because I thought I looked funny, but he said, and I believe him, that it was never a concern of his.

[Kathleen]

I never had a problem dating because of the obpi.

Many times I would find myself explaining it to those I dated because they never noticed.
I am the one who was always most aware of it. I think that is because I was aware of my limitations and had to compensate and adjust the way I do things.

I am married 37 years and my husband never really thought much about it or really noticed it until I pointed it out to him...

I will admit I was very aware of having my arm noticed and tried not to have people notice it because I often became tired of the nosy questions... and sometimes did not feel like explaining what happened...
Now don't ask me because I will always use it as an opportunity to educate and hopefully prevent this injury.

Kath

[admin]

Hi Kathleen

You and I have a lot in common. I am married, 35, and did not really have a problem dating. Still to this day I have to explain to people that I have worked with for years. Its often when we have to do something that I cant do.

Nice to meet you

[Robert]

i'm 19 right obpi and i havent had a problem dating because of it. i had a girlfriend for over two years and she still tells me that she doesnt really notice it whereas i constantly notice it...
also, one of the guys im living with at the moment told me he didnt even notice my arm until i told him about it.
tell your son to email me because until less than a week ago, i had never met or spoken to anyone with obpi either. it'd be good to have a chat to him. (rgbartnik@hotmail.com)
hope this helps
rob