United Brachial Plexus Network

I have to vent or maybe just say a few things....

I read these boards all the time and I feel like I am not human for some reason. I had a baby 1 yr. ago who was born with a sever BPI. I never really thought about a law suit but for some unknown reason I got talking to a lawyer and he was asking me about the birth of my child. I began to talk to him about it and he was telling me that the dr. took all the precautions possible. I ofter read about the doctors lying and all... my doctor noted in my records that baby was born with SD and had limp arm and listed the bruise and all. There was nothing covered up or hidden. When my child was born I never onced blamed the doctor. I felt that he did everything he could have done and did it right. Am I abnormal... Why don't I feel the hate and anger against him like you all do? Yes I am angry that my baby had this life long disability but as I look around and see some of the other things that could have happened well I thant my lucky starts that I have a healty child. I still see and talk to the doctor that delivered my child and he still is my OBGYN. I am so confused after reading these boards. IS IT ME... AM I REALLY ABNORMAL OR WHAT??? PLEASE HELP. Should I be more upset or hate this doctor more than I do.

Thanks for any input
confused.....

In my case the midwife and doctor did NOT do what she should have done...I think if she had done the right things, then I WOULD feel differently. That is the difference. Also in my case the doctor was flippantly rude about my son's injury and was even fired by the HMO for her attitude.
Over the years I have learned not to HATE the woman who injured my son and suing doesn't have anything to do with feelings as much as it is about how my son is going to find his place in the world and how is he going to survive. What job will he do? He obviously won't be taking over the family business because he isn't able to do many of the things that it entails....So what will he do? What if he goes to college to be one thing and then after he gets into the career he finds out he can't physically do the job? There has to be some kind of accountability.
Hate only hurts the person who carries it. It will eat you alive and ruin your life.
I hope that those who have hate can turn it into a constructive anger about what happened and use it for change and even use it to motivate suing the medical institution. The medical people can't keep injuring kids and get away with it.
T.

I sued because my midwives were extremely negligent from start to past the end. If I felt that it was just an accident or a fluke or that they weighed the consequences and chose her neck over her life - I would never have sued. NO - you are not abnormal - it's just that everyone's circumstances are different.

I dont think you are abnormal. I have gone back and forth in my feelings. At first I didnt blame her at all, it was just a risk of childbirth. Then I began to become angry when Ava wasnt doing better and the reality of all the doctors visits and therapy hit. I've really dealt with my feelings though and let a lot of anger go. I know she didnt intend on harming my child and I was there and know what a difficult birth it was. I've let go of a lot of things but I have made a choice to go with another OB the second time around. I doubt I could be comfortable birthing with her with the fear that maybe it would happen again whether or not she could have done anything differently.

For myself, I have had to make a choice to let the anger go and move on with my life. Ava will get nothing out of me playing the blame game and I need to focus my energy on her healing and our family rather than the what ifs. Just my personal situation.

I just wanted to say that I do feel anger toward my former OB. The man's been dead for 4 years and on certain days, I think I could kill him if he weren't.

But in our case I had a family history of SD, gained almost 70 lbs., had toxemia, was 43 1/2 weeks when he finally induced (which I had to beg him to do and he tried to back out of 3 times to "wait and see if it comes along naturally"), sonar before induction showed my daughter at 9 lbs +, 19 hrs labor, 8 of which I was on the highest level of fluids possible and dialated only 3 cm, an epidural that didn't take, 3 hours of pushing, then passing out between, fetal heartrate dropping over and over again until when she crowned she had completly died, and alot of that included suction & forceps. It all ended in my having a nurse stradling me atop the hospital bed pushing down on my stomach, him with one foot on the bed, pulling, and 4 other nurses holding my legs over my head.

Through all this I had to listen to 2 other women in rooms next to me (one delivering a stillborn child because of the same situation and another set of twins that he basically killed)(AND lots more specifics) Not much of this is in my records. It was a total nightmare and all he had to say was give me a slap on the back and "It could'a been worse. Look, there's nothing wrong with her or you". And he did this to women/girls OVER and OVER and OVER.

I later found out through my own research that he'd been kicked out of 2 other cities for doing this and got his degree from Guatamala. The man was born and raised in Tampa.

But...anyway. Im peeved from talking to my lawyer last night who seems quite less concerned with my daughter's well being than he should be. He keeps trying to convince me that even though I live in a small town and everyone new this guy was a monster, we shouldnt go through a trial because I will not win because this happens sometimes and people here will believe he couldnt have avoided it.

If it were a total accident, as in your case, I wouldnt be mad at all. I wish it were. When it's totally from an ignorant doctor, it just ads insult to injury.

I think what makes me mad at my OB is that, from my research, SD does not have to result in having a child with an injury. OBs are supposed to be trained in how to deliver a baby safely when there is an SD. I've heard if they simply have you get on all fours, the baby will deliver easily. There are so many other techniques I've read about as well including suprapublic pressure -- none of which were even attempted by my doctor. The only thing she did was pull hard and cause my baby an injury. Not to mention that there are risk factors which were obviously ignored. I believe strongly that a BPI injury is almost a completely avoidable injury.

Michelle

I can't say I hate the person who delivered my baby, but I can say I am sickened, saddened, disgusted and yes, angry too! From talking to several bpi specialists and from reading several articles, books and all the information I have been able to get my hands on, it is my strong belief that this injury is preventable. It is not something that had to happen. Many, many, many PERFECTLY HEALTHY babies are now enduring lifelong injuries and I have met several children who are much worse than my child and it just breaks my heart. They are paying the price for someone else's negligence and that is wrong. People in these positions should be trained and skilled in handling what they often refer to as one of the worst obstetrical nightmares. It is my belief that most people that injure our babies absolutely DID NOT follow the appropriate protocol for handling a shoulder dystocia. I have a few friends who were under the belief that the doctor did everything they could to help "save" their baby. With further investigation they learned by reviewing a video of the birth that there was excessive traction applied that they would have never realized without the video. Another friend was convinced that the doctor did everything right until she learned one of the manuvers done wasn't suprapubic pressure as the notes said but actually was fundal pressure, the one manuver that you should never do since it only impacts the shoulder more. There are also many, many people who had risk factors during the pregnancy or warning signs during labor that doctors should have been well aware of. And there are many other stories where doctors have intentionally kept us in the dark and often we are not even aware of the lies because we lack the information. Initially I deeply believed that the person who delivered our baby was a hero. I really did see her that way and since I had really trusted and liked her a lot, it was a much easier way for me to see her. My baby was "stuck" and she got my baby out. I defended her for the longest time but once I got the medical records and learned about the injury, maneuvers, etc. I was faced with the challenging shift of how I viewed the delivery, the injury and someone who I had trusted as an honest and professional person.

Have you read "Shoulder Dystocia & Birth Injury"? When appropriate manuevers are done in the correct fashion babies are not injured. This is why I am disgusted by this injury. Yes, our babies could have other health issues but those are usually genetic in nature not caused by someone not doing their job. You never, never should exert force downward, or be pulling on or twisting a babies head. That is not how you dislodge a shoulder dystocia. For me the picture is much bigger than my feelings toward the person who delivered my baby. It is a horrible thing happening across the nation everyday by many different doctors and midwives. This injury has been pushed under the rug by the medical community for way too long. It is simply unacceptable to me!!! For me, if I was not upset about the injury I do not think that I would be motivated to do something about it. I am thankful to those who are upset and angry about this injury because they seem to be the ones making the commitment to helping future children. They seem to be the ones who have the passion to work towards this cause. I believe our emotions can be a healthy catalyst "IF" they are used in the right way.

I know you are not alone because I do know a few people who share your feelings. You are more than entitled to experience this injury and respond to this injury in whatever way you choose to. Please know that many of us have many differing feelings and opinions on MANY things regarding this injury from the cause, surgical intervention, alternative treatment modalities, litigation, future vaginal delivery vs. c-section, etc. I am really glad that you posted and shared. I think others appreciated hearing your viewpoint too and hopefully you can gain some understanding into those of us who hold a different viewpoint. I can't really speak for anyone else, but I am very comfortable with my emotions and the balance I have found. I think my experience is healthy and that I have found ways to use my emotions to my advantage. I hope that those of you who share differing viewpoints don't see some of us as these horribly hateful, angry, bitter, resentful creatures who spend our days entrapped by our emotions. My days are full of beauty, joy and much laughter, but when it comes to the cause of this injury the reality and truth to me is VERY, VERY sad.

You are not abnormal, and if you feel he did his best during your delivery, trust your feelings.

I had misgivings about my OB before the delivery because of her attitude, but I trusted her as a professional (big mistake). She even had the gall to insult my baby after the delivery by saying "that is a FAT baby!" which appalled me because I had repeatedly told her about my two previous large babies (1 c-section, one vbac, 2lbs smaller than this one). I questioned the use of vacum extraction, but was assured that they did it all the time with no problems. I was afraid to contradict the doctor (who wants someone who's pissed at you taking a kife to you) and my husband tried to reassure me that I should trust my doctor. We were both shocked by the result of this delivery (my husband thought the baby was dead when she was delivered). We were told that she had the injury and what the doctor did during the delivery, but I still fault her at doing the vacum extraction given my history - if this had been my first baby I would be a little more forgiving.

I am sure your experience differed greatly from mine, so don't be confused that you feel differently.

Just wanted to add- we moved, I had a different OB for my first two children. If I could have figured out how to make it work would have gone back to that OB - the last month of the pregnancy I had a lot of misgivings, but didn't have any other good referrals & was not feeling well enough to go "dr shopping" even if someone would have taken me at that late stage.

Your definitley NOT abnormal, in fact I felt the same way after my daughter was born & didn't decide to pursue it legally until my daughter had to have nerves taken from the back of BOTH legs & transplanted into her neck because C5,C6,C7,& C8 nerves were torn from her spinal cord not to mention seeing her on a morphine drip at 4 mths old. I did the research i needed to do & based on what i found & still continue to find is that this is a preventable injury especially to the extreme that my little girls injury is. Initially i carried around a TON of anger & bitterness BUT its a process that i think alot of people go through when their hurting to see their kids hurting. I'm way past that. Right now i'm my childs voice...the only voice she has & that is my focus.
I'm competely positive that their are other parents out there like you to feel the same way you feel & thats okay....you have to feel "okay" with the situation in order to put closure on it. Bottom Line everyones situation is different with different circumstances surrounding the birth & manuevers used etc etc....we all do what we feel is appropriate in our own situations. There is plenty of literature out there to support both scenerios...Not preventable or Preventable its doing whats right for your family...thats the best choice no matter what choice that may be.