United Brachial Plexus Network

Hi I'm new here and glad I found this place before I went crazy.

I'm a male, 19 years old and have had OBPI my entire life. I didn't start caring about my appearance until about middle school at which point I started to wear hooded sweaters or sweaters with big front pockets in order to hide my disabled left arm which is considerably smaller and crooked when I let it hang freely. Now I really hate when summer comes around, guess why? No more sweaters! So what do I do? Stay in my basement until night time when I can leave my house, not be cooked in the sun, and be hide my disability. I was wondering if anyone knew any possible way to hide their disabled arm in hot weather. I'm starting to think I have to just get over the fact of the matter and not care what people think but I will probably need some counseling and therapy before that happens.

Thank God I found this site because I was beginning to think I was alone.

Welcome LOFF!
I can personally recommend Counselling. It helped me alot as alot of times reading & sharing on this message boards brings up moments, experiences and feelings I stuffed for a lifetime until I found this web site at 65...deal with stuff and share here too starts healing and a healthy emotional life. I am glad you found this wonder UBPN Family. There is no such thing as a dumb question anywhere on any message forum board and you are welcome on all of them. YOU ARE NOT ALONE ANYMORE!!

Josh A. where are you?? [he's your age]

Carolyn J
LOBPI/70++++

!

hey Loff
I'm 19 and have had OBPI my whole life too.
Same as you I never really cared what my injured arm looked like until middle and high school. I also used the pockets in my jackets to conceal my arm and that worked pretty well all the way through high school because it was always very cold in my school so everyone wore jackets regardless of the outside temperature. I just finished my first year of college and ran into what you're talking about when the weather turned warm because I had to be outside walking to and from classes.
The worst was when the sun was behind me and i could see my arm hanging in my shadow in front of me.
But I don't think we should try to hide our arms. People who don't understand will probably look and wonder, but they're going to do that anyway and there is no point in changing your life to accommodate the ignorant.
That being said I do try to help my arm blend in a little more by carrying something with it, so long as its not to heavy. Even just a bottle of coke, just something to kind of give it a purpose. This might not be something you want to do, I don't know how severe your injury is.

Just remember that everyone is self conscious, whether they have BPI or not, and you are definitely not alone.

I just wanted to chime in a little on this one in that, I'm pretty we notice it so much because we know it's there. It's my belief that most people really won't notice because they don't know it's there. To me, it's super obvious, but everyone I've ever told about the OBPI has said they had never noticed it(even for several years) until I brought it to their attention. If my friends notice, I don't care, because they are my friends. People who don't know me really don't notice, nor do I really care what someone I don't know thinks about me. It basically boils down to my belief that other people only affect you negatively if you let them, and that each one of us is personally and mentally tougher than we might first believe ourselves to be. I know that's not exactly practical on what to wear, but it's my experience, and that's the best I can share.

-Chris, 24 LOBPI

It is something you have to "get over" if you want to live a normal life. It can be hard to accept and change your thinking but hiding in the basement until the sun goes down to go out is not living.

I had issues when I was 17-21 about wearing tank tops or halter tops as it was more obvious I felt, showing my shoulder and scars from surgery. I realized though that no one cared, my friends sure didn't and strangers didn't notice and if they did, so what? I don't have to answer to them or care what they think!

You can't hide away and hope things change, you have to make things change yourself. Find someone to talk to, a friend, a parent, teacher, counselor... someone who you can trust with your feelings.

Talk to us here on the message boards. We have all been through what you feel!

Marieke 33, LOBPI

Loff,

Do your freinds point out your limiations or your arm? People that are true freinds accept you as a freind. I was called stud arm in grammer school and got 5 freinds for over 40 yrs. My wife married me for me and we been married for 30 yrs. For myself, I look at my arm less, People will care about you.

Master Diver Tom

I, like others with BPI, notice my arm being different looking more often than anyone without our disability. I work with people for a week and then I tell them and they don't have a clue. I think it may just be subconscious that you think that everyone is staring, but I may be wrong. It is something that you should embrace rather than hide. It is part of you, and it is something that you will get used to. I hope you will become less self conscious about it. Stay Strong!
Mel,21, LOBPI

Thank you all. All your opinions are deeply considered and appreciated. I think counseling would help me since I have never really spoken to someone completely openly about my (our) condition.

I am sorry that I did not finish what I wanted to say. First in grammer school I counterd my Erbs by making my good arm twice as strong as my left. I thought punching people a lot. Over my life time I learn that determiation to try and fail jobs they took to arms? I did get a job doing things that I could do with only limitied lift and grasp in my erbs arm. Determiation made me become a Padi Master Diver with (Help). I also was a Chicago SEMI driver for over twenty years and with out a ticket or a acident . If any one trys this Me hiding my Erbs arm was out of the Queastion. I had to be apoved by a D.O.T, I past this Exame by My safe driving record. Please dont HIDE your ERBS! By the way I have a 2005 GTO I customize and IS on the Ultimate GTO Sight. I still dive with HELP. I have done over 500 dives over the years. Find joy in life by not think to much about your arm. I you fail by trying find joy that you tred!

PADI MASTER DIVER

I've only ever been approached by one stranger about my arm, and she asked because she had polio and has arm limitations. It just looked familiar to her the way I was doing things, and that's why she asked.

Just because you feel like someone might be looking at your arm, doesn't mean they are judging it negatively. They could be feeling like they belong for a moment and they too aren't alone.

-Traci