United Brachial Plexus Network

I have a question for the seasoned moms out there. My son is only 9 months so we haven't crossed this bridge yet, but I have a new support group member that is very concerned because her daughter is 7 and kids are now making fun of her. As we all know, kids can be quite cruel. How have you handled this? Her daughter hasn't met anyone else like her, so she is very excited to attend our next meeting in January.

Kids laugh at what they don't understand (as do adults!). I believe that education brings tolerance. Every year I've gone into the classroom and taught the kids about Maia's injury. This is the first year - Maia is in 5th grade now - that I didn't go in and do a presentation. When anybody says anything she explains it to them herself now. She tells them how it happens and gives them a tour of how her arm moves and how she does things.

I think that once the child meets other kids with the same issue it may help her feel a bit better about things.

Kids will always find something to tease another child about. Hair, freckled ,clothes, fat, skinny...I could go on. Javier who is 4- has told kids that ask or laugh that it's his energy (4 year old pronouncing injury)and he had surgery in Miami to get big muscles to break stuff.
My 8 year old non-bpi used to get teased about his ears, which actually don't stick out that much. The good thing is, most schools have a zero tolerance policy for teasing.

Oh, the teasing, Brandon tells them that is an old football injury and then laughs. Actually he does not get made fun of much. My oldest son who is 21 helped coach the boys football team at Brandons school. He did hear some kids talking about Brandon's arm and eh pulled them all to the side and told them what happened.
In second grade I was in his classroom alot and had alot of children ask me what was wrong and I was just honest. I them had alot of pregnant mom's ask me how to prevent. Since Brandon is in fifth grade he vocalizes very well, actually always has, and I think this is important. He knows why he has a BPI and knows that he and mommy almost died! He is just happy to be here with us. He does everything the same as everyone else, they don't know that I buy him certain jeans so he can put them on himself, they don't know that whole story but they know that he is the way he is because that is the way he was born. I think the "ZERO TOLERANCE" rule is such an awesome one. It prevents the bullies from really going over boarded.
GAYLE mom of BRANDON 10 ROBPI

I was taught from a very early age what I had and I would just explain it to the kids who made fun of me. Some still did, but I had a group of good friends who helped me ignore those who were nasty!

Kids will tease for anything!

Marieke 33, LOBPI

Let me also add this. Although Brandon does come home and lash out at his pillow because someone said comething to him about his arm, he knows not to show them. It seems to stop the teasing if he doesn't react in school. I am sure there were many times that he would have liked to punch someone right in the nose, but didn't and came home and took it out on his pillow. It lets him get his frustration out, hurts no one and he doesn't et suspended from school for doing it. Ha, Ha !!! That is a technique that was taught my oldest son who had some real anger issues and it seems to work to this day !!!
GAYLE

I think a real key to this kind of thing is to have a sense of humor about it.

My son had pediatric epilepsy. He used to explain it (and well) to his class every year in elementary school. He used to tell them he was a "seizure salad"!! No one made fun of him for it. The moms, on the other hand, were idiots. Most refused playdates. The ones who didn't, formed lifetime friendships with me and are the boys who my son trusts the most. Luckily for him, he outgrew the epilepsy.

Juliana, of course, can't outgrow her bpi. There were some kids who taunted her a bit.."come and do the monkey bars.." when she clearly can't. She has a good group of friends, and they ignore that. I will note, that the biggest of the taunters, was a girl who has issues of her own (reading not up to grade level, math issues) and I think she was bothered by Juliana's ability to function.

I love Brandon's answer to what happened to his arm...it's the humor that disarms the nasty ones.

When one of my daughters had surgery on her leg, it left a scar. When the warm weather came around and they could see the scar on her leg they asked what happened. Oh the stories she told them: she was in a knife fight, she was in an action movie and got hurt, that her twin brother bit her!!!! Each person who asked got a different response! No one cares.

We have to teach our kids to educate others and to have a sense of humor.

claudia

gosh I forgot who this was but someone said that they were bitten by a shark and that why they have this huge scar on their neck...I love it!

We have always told my son, Tyler who is an 8th grader, that his arm is one of the things makes him special. Fortunately, the kids he has gone to school with just accept him as he is....although there is always the one kid who just can't control his mouth and has actually called Tyler a "cripple" to his face. There's nothing that makes Mama Bear's claws come out faster than than rudeness & inconsideration from other kids. When Tyler's friends found out about the name calling, they rallied behind him and let the other kid know that name calling is not tolerated. We have also enforced in Tyler that people who make fun of him do those things to try to make themselves feel better about themselves, and usually have their own issues that they can't cope with, so they make fun of other people. Good friends, a sense of humor, and self esteem help them through many of life's trials. It all goes toward character building.

Hey Everyone
That was Frankie now going on 16 he tells them he was attacked by a shark while surfing (really gets the girls) but the worst was when he was little he would say the doctor tried to rip his head off when he was being born that was the way he described bpi injuries and in the deposition papers the doctor said he tried to turn Frankies head 180 degrees so he was right he tryed to rip his head off. Frankie was only picked on by one kid and he said something mean to frankie in front of a bunch of kids Frankie simply said yes I have one arm but I can tie my shoes you have two and I saw the teacher tie yours after that the kid stayed away from him. I also always taught Frankie it doesn't matter what others say or think about you the only opinion that counts is yours and how you feel about yourself and that kids that are mean to others really don't like themselves and we should feel sorry for them. I hope this helps Mare