United Brachial Plexus Network

My son is turning 1 next thursday, the 2nd of august. I'm an emotional wreck, but not in a good way. I am so torn about it. On one hand I am excited to celebrate this huge milestone. On the other hand, the bigger other hand, I'm dreading it. Since his birth I've been told, "he has to have good biceps by one or the muscle will die" (he has no biceps)... "the lawsuit has to be filed by one year or the statues runs out" (my lawyer has yet to call be back).... One year has turned into a dreaded deadline. I'm also going through the ugly depression stage so my mind is not in the best of places so I keep thinking that it's the anniversary of his injury. Logically I know I shouldn't think that way. It should be a celebration of life, but UGGGHHHH... It's just not right now, not for me anyway. I love my son with all of my being. I want him to be happy and grow and thrive. It's not that I don't want him to have a party, it's just I don't think I can keep it together. So, I've asked my mother-in-law to throw the party. I guess my question is, has anybody else felt this way? Was or is it hard to celebrate birthdays? Thanks for reading and letting me get it out.
Breonna, Joseph's mama, LOBPI

Hi Breonna;
My daughter Katie is 5 with a left brachial plexus injury (erb's palsy). It is probably harder than it sounds, but my rule has always been that birthdays are a time to celebrate my child. For that time I always put aside the reality of the day (for me, on the day she was born the nurses handed me my beautiful little girl and said "her left arm doesn't move, but don't worry it will get bettter" Yeah, right!!) and celebrate the wonderful little person she is and will be in the future, injured arm or not.

I also find that in times like this, when the injury and all the deadlines and "if not this then that"'s get me in a complete tizzy, it helps to pray for peace.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Oh and....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSEPH!!!!!!

love and hugs,

Cheri, mom to Katie, 5, LOBPI

Breonna:
You are not alone in those feelings. One day you will celebrate it, and later on it will just be a birthday. But for now, it really IS difficult. I suggest something really different: make it a big celebration. That is what I did. I was so angry in Juliana's first year of life that I refused to go to Synagogue. For anything. Not with my kids, nothing. And so she went without a Jewish(hebrew) name. As we approached her first birthday (and I skipped the High Holy days-very bad for me) I realized that I needed to do something. For one, I needed to stop being angry and start accepting. This injury really sucks, but it doesn't mean I have to angry (really, I was angry at myself). So I decided to have Juliana named in Synagogue and have a big, big party afterwards. We did! It wasn't THE CORNERSTONE MOMENT, but it allowed me to enjoy her and allowed other people to congratulate me on her and tell her how cute she was. We brought in a magician for the bigger kids and it really helped my older three to feel like something was there for them. I am so happy we did it.

As for it not be THE moment... there isn't really a MOMENT when it all comes together. The coming together is a series of small moments and larger moments and the realization that things have changed. And time is your best ally.

As for the biceps...at the Cinci meeting that was held in June, Dr. Gilbert said that they have been finding that in children, the muscle stays alive longer than a year. In adults, it definately dies by a year, maybe 18 months. But, in children, they are finding that the muscle is still alive. So, in honor of Joseph's first birthday, go to a different doctor. If you had nerve graft surgery, maybe a second one is in order (they do that). And as for the lawyer...call every two hours. Make yourself the squeaky wheel. If that lawyer doesn't want the case, tell him/her to return every scrap of paper and you will find someone else.

I cried on the first few birthdays, I still cry sometimes, and Juliana is almost 8. But it does get better.

good luck,
claudia

Hi Breonna,

As you can see (I bumped up a previous post)...you are not alone by any means.

I hope Joseph has a Happy Birthday next week.

Joshua was baptized right around his first birthday. I wasn't going to have a birthday party for him (it was just too hard and we were getting ready for his first surgery, hence the baptism). But at the last minute, while getting "happy baptism" stuff, I decided to throw in his birthday, too, and got a bunch of "you are 1 year old!" decorations and a 1-st birthday cake with his picture on it. A lot of the baptism guests were surprised, not realizing that it was also his birthday. But it worked out, and I was able to enjoy it after all. I think it would have been harder to actually plan a big birthday party for him, though. It was all still too fresh at just 1 year post-injury.

It really stinks that their birthday is also the anniversary of their horrible birth experience. It does get better with time, as you are able to focus more on the good memories of the past years rather than the memory of the birth being so fresh. And that first year is really a tough time, with so many hard decisions to make... it is such a mixed bag to celebrate.

Kate