How Would You Respond

[JessicasMom]

I think if a kindergartener is not a chronic complainer (and certainly the teacher would know by this point in the year if they were), and they complain of pain, they should be sent to the nurse, period.
This removes the responsibility of determining whether the child is sick or not from the teacher and places this decision in the nurses 's hands. In my opinion, the nurse is the health care professional who is trained to detect whether or not an illness is present. I'm not sure if the nurse has the otoscope (sorry if I mispelled that!) or not, but if she does, an ear infection is a simple thing that she would be able to detect, but the teacher would not.

If my kindergartener complained of an earache, I would take him to the doctor because the doctor has the training and tools to treat him. If my child is at school and complains, I would expect him to go to the nurse for an assessment. By the time they get home from school, it may be too late to get a doctor's appointment that day. I'd personally rather treat an ear infection sooner than later.

[CW1992]

I do agree with Jessica, and I was not going to reply again but sorry... I can't help but think back to the many times that my youngest would wake up with 'stomach pains' not wanting to go to school - she was just HUNGRY - didn't understand her own body, and after breakfast she couldn't wait to go to school. She couldn't understand the 'pains'. We've had things from nail 'hangies" to arm scrapes to 'my toe feels wierd' and so on - kids are trying to figure out their own bodies and what is normal for them - and to jump on every single issue (unless there is blood involved) might be overreacting to them and making them more scared because of your concern about something that might be nothing. My kids and myself would probably spend half of our days in the hospital if I would have taken every fear my kids have said seriously about leg pain, stomach cramps, headache, ear ache, and so on. It is a judgement call. An ear ache in one day will not be a problem unless it goes on for a day or so. A fever gets you sent immediately to the nurse and it should! My youngest loves going to the school nurse - last year she actually was hoping to go but didn't know how to hurt herself! LOL Scary - she just wanted a rubber glove with ice cubes in it like she saw her friend with.... (whole other story) When my kids get home from school and aren't feeling good - THAT's when I know that they must be very serious because they choose being sick over having fun.

Older kids seem to either not want to go first thing in the morning - but if they say they are sick at school - they mean it, and older kids do not usually want to make up excuses to get out of classes - at least from my experience - because the make up work is far worse than just sticking it out sick. It is the younger ones who just do not understand their pains and bodies and what is real pain and what isn't - they do not lie - they just aren't old enough yet to understand.
That's my experiences.
Christy

[blakesmom]

This sounds like Blake's 1st grade teacher. He had a bad cold last week and stayed home 1 day. The next morning I told him that if he was feeling really bad, to ask if he can go to the nurse. He got all teary eyed and said "I can't, she'll(the teacher) tell me that if I'm not dead,dying,or bleeding, to go back to my seat" That angered me, but I told him to just try. He told her that day he didn't feel well and she did let him go to the nurse. If she hadn't she would be hearing from me. She seems to have a real attitude anyway.

[JessicasMom]

I guess all kids are different and it really depends on your kid. My son never complains of being sick, so I would take an ear ache seriously if it came from him. Oddly enough I always thought the idea of manipulating a nurse's visit didn't happen until the child was older, but again, I guess it depends on the kid. I can remember being 8 years old and trying to heat up the thermometer over the stove so I could stay home from school (after placing a wash rag on my head). This level of sneakiness is not something my kindergartener is up to (yet!)

In any case, the point I really wanted to make is that I still feel strongly that the teacher should send the child to the nurse regardless. Let the nurse decide if it's serious or "made up". Children who make up illnesses to get to the nurse would probably be known to the nurse and the teacher by now and most likely the parent would have been informed about it too. This doesn't seem to be the case with this child since she really did have an ear infection. Our pediatrician told us that often kids don't recognize the early symptoms of an illness, so by the time they complain, it's already serious. My family has a history of ear infection and my grandmother lost 50% of her hearing from a serious untreated ear infection, so maybe I'm more sensitive to this issue. With my toddler, Jessica, I'm always taking her to the doctor for an ear infection, and it turns out to be teething, but I figure I'm better safe than sorry. The few times I didn't take her when I thought I should were the times she did have an ear infection, go figure?!!!

[admin]

I am glad to see that so many of our kids our honest with us. Obviously as parents on the board we are concerned and involved in our kid's life. My daughter has a child in her class at school. She becomes "sick" everyday. She has a rotten home life and has told my daughter things like she and mommy slept in the car last night because daddy hit mommy. My little one is very caring she was worried that the little girl was going to die because she was "sick" so much. The teacher reassured her and sent me a note because my daughter was so upset. She could not go into details because of privacy but she expressed that the girl just needed some extra attention at school and the nurse was a very caring, loving person who took the time to listen. How old was this girl? She was in a head start program.

[admin]

In my experience, I only saw kids who weer older pretned to be sick. When I was young people in my classes as well as myself a few times tried to get to the nurse to go home or get out of a certain class. I have cousins who tell me stories about thier 10 and 12 year olds going to the office b/c they are sick, but once they get home and picked up they are just fine. I do believe that maybe some Kindergarten children may do this, but from personal experience through the years my beliefs differ greatly on this subject. I still believe that older children up to high school even, do this far more and pretend to be sick.
Guest- I was very sad to read your post. I can't imagine hearing a story like that. This poor little girl. It just bothers me so much to know that things like this happen everyday with children and their families. I wish I could help all of them.
~Krista~

[B.V.]

SSShhhhh... don't tell my husband...but when my son (non BPI) started kindergarten (the very first week), he fell off the monkey bars and told the teacher his arm hurt. The school called my husband and he came over and told my son "you're ok, stick it out." I picked him up after school, not knowing that he had fallen, and he burst into tears. I took one look at his arm and rushed him to the doctor. It was broken!! My husband felt soooooo bad and still does to this day! (7 years later). I tend to think women have better judgement when kids are hurt/sick.

I'm also a teacher (high school) and from my perspective, I've had kids faint in class, puke in class, get hurt in class... there are liability issues, so whenever someone says they're ill, I always let them go to the office. (and always with an escort.) Whether they're faking or not, at least I covered myself.

[admin]

Thank you all for your input. I didn't mean to get a debate going. Anyway, the teacher helped me to resolve it. Today was my daughter's first day back to school and before school the teacher had left me a message about something else. So, when I called her back I told her about the ear infection and we discussed the situation. She said that when my daughter asked to go to the nurse someone else had just gone to the nurse. She told me that she kept an eye on her and that she seemed fine just a little while later. I guess the teacher also told her that she was doing a good job on what she was working on when she had an earache and my daughter told her it didn't hurt her anymore at that time. So I let her know that my daughter has a high tolerance for pain (probably because of everything that she has gone through) so when she says that she's having pain it's probably pretty bad. Anyway, I think we'll be fine in the future after today's conversation. I feel much better to have discussed it, but also in a non-confrontational way. I had written a note that I was considering sending in, but I was hesitant because just like on this board, you don't "hear tone of voice" and I didn't want her to take it differently than I intended. So, when I got her message it was such a relief.

I remember going to the school nurse a couple of times when I wanted to get out of class and go home. I felt a little sick at those times, but could've managed okay through the day, but that wasn't until I was older.

It's funny because when my daughter first told me what happened I was upset. Then, when I saw her reaction, I didn't want her being upset at her teacher so I did tell her that maybe the teacher thought she was really okay and didn't need to go to the nurse because some children might ask to go to the nurse when they don't really need to and her puzzled reply to me was "why would someone say they had to go to the nurse when they really didn't feel bad??" Great, now I opened a new can of worms! It did show me though that (although I already knew it) she wouldn't make excuses to go to the nurse.

BTW, this wasn't about "letting go" for me. While sending my daughter to K was / is an adjustment of letting go, this really wasn't about that at all to me. It was just concern for my child who was sick and was denied medical attention at her request.

Again, thanks to everyone for their replies.

[CW1992]

I'm glad to hear that your daughter is doing good and that everything worked out with her teacher. Thanks for the update! Sometimes on this board I think we all just like to add our own views - it can be fun to debate our feelings at times - helps us see what others are thinking!! - a place to bounce around what goes on in our lives and the experiences that we've had. I am very glad to hear that everything seemed to work out for you and your daughter - and truthfully - debates can be very good for all so your topic was a great one.
Christy

[admin]

i didn't think it was about letting go anyway. this is january and school started back in september. i believe the "letting go" issues would have been resolved by now. nonetheless, i'm glad it all worked out for you. what a great little girl you have.