A Penny For Your Thoughts!

[marie]

I have searched for so long to find someone, at least one person who truly could relate to my little Morgan & I. Morgan was born with what they told me at the time erbs palsy. Still till this day all I remember was being a week overdue, a long delivery, shoulder dystocia, a suction extractor fying from Morgans head in a manner that became more & more intense as the doctor paniced, nurses screaming get Luke(the man who came in & finally gave my stomach the push Morgan needed to come out, resussitation, Morgan revived, my beautiful girl put into my arms with a motionless left arm.Then dismissed with the notion the nerves will be fine in about 3 months. Alone, scared & confused we were sent home with no idea our journey with BP/Erbs had just began. Moragn will be seven this week & there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not felt so alone. we are now faced with the options of surgery & I am scared to death. The family is also pushing hard that we see a lawyer. I never would before because no matter what, I wanted to believe Morgan would grow out of this. Well as many of you already know not all children grow out of this, they just learn to grow with this. I would appreciate any advice on this matter. I am just so scared & want to do the right thing for Morgan. I could go on & on, I will leave on this note....I am so glad so have found this sight. It is so encouraging to know we truly are

not the only ones.

[tina arvizu]

You are not alone! Your delivery sounds painfully familiar. I am also so scared about my daughter's surgery. I am also so glad to have this board to turn to. Gabrielle is not even two (this month) and each day brings something related to her injury. How much you wish to turn back time and know then what I know now. All you can do is what is in your heart for your child. Surgery is the hardest decision. We are here for you anytime day or night. If you are like me it is usally after hubby and daughter are in bed asleep. This is my safe place. My prayers are with you.

PS -I hope Morgan sends in a picture to the SDBPN art contest.

[Lenni]

Hi Marie, welcome. Your story sounds familiar, sorry to hear that. I have a six year old Daughter, Ashley, with a ROBPI, she has had no surgery to date, but she may have to soon. Like you I was hoping she would grow out of it, and also like you I know that won't happen. So.....my thoughts are with you, may you learn great things from this board, and meet many friends too!

Lenni

[CW1992]

Hi Marie, My name is Christy. I understand your feelings! My daughter just turned 10 last month. When she was born we were told the same things as you were - - she had "erbs palsy" and she would be fine but it would take a while for her to get any movement back. We were sent to specialists but they were more concerned about her left hip feeling loose than they were about her injured left arm. My husband's family also kept urging us to get an attorney and this really got me angry. I thought that they were implying that Brittney would never have good use of her arm and I didn't want to hear that. Why else would they keep urging us to sue - unless they didn't believe she'd get better with time. They looked at my injured little girl and only saw "lawsuit" while my husband and I were doing everything we could do to help her use her arm more. For about six years I watched my child have so many ups and downs - more range, less range - - more improvement here but now this is happening there...... I had finally accepted that she would NEVER have two perfectly working arms - no matter how much therapy we put her through. We decided to get a lawyer. I didn't want therapy to become the center of her life - I wanted her to have a regular, happy life - and I wanted her childhood memories to be good ones - not ones focusing on her injury. Our case was settled at the end of last year. We do not hate the doctor - he did not intentionally hurt her and most importantly my child knows that too - the doctor did not hurt her purposely. We don't curse him or hate him. My child was injured and we move on stronger than before. We've forgiven him for his stupidity!:) At age eight we were told that there are surgeries that could possibly help her gain some movement but we have decided for now against these surgeries. It was easier before I knew that there were surgeries available - we had accepted her injury and were thankful for what movement she had. Now I am constantly questioning myself - what if surgery gave her more movement?? In my heart I feel it is not the best thing (in our case) Surgery is a gamble. At age 10 Brittney does not want surgery - she didn't want it when she was eight either - - she knows the risks. Maybe when she's older she might change her mind. She heard what the surgeon had to say. How does Morgan feel about surgery? Maybe surgery could help her - especially if she is determined to try it. How does Morgan feel about a lawsuit? My child thought the doctor should know what he had done to her so that he would be less likely to do it again. Please do not let others influence your decisions - hear what others have to offer but do what is best for you and your daughter. Talk to your daughter and find out what she wants. When she's older she will remember being part of the decision making - and she should have a say in her own life. In alot of ways it is so much harder making a surgery decision when your child is older. The child has become used to the movements that they have (and have worked hard to get). The child will remember the movements before surgery compared to after surgery. It is so hard! Well there's my thoughts - I hope somehow they helped - and thank you for listening! Christy

[TNT1999]

Unfortunately, you aren't the only ones going through all of this, but fortunately you have found the place where so many others are. Legal and surgical decisions are not easy.

As far as legal goes, here's my advice. I suggest that you seek an opinion or 2-3 opinions from attny's experienced with BPIs. Get the records or have them get the records and see what the attnys say before making a decision. You might all agree that there wasn't medical negligence OR you might all agree that there was medical negligence and decide to pursue it. I truly respect individuals' choices as to whether or not they want to sue, but I do feel that we owe it to our children to at least make an educated decision. I wrote up something pretty extensively on this here and Francine added it to her legal page -- http://www.injurednewborn.com/maia/attorney.html. It is the 2nd experience listed in the section of helpful posts from the UBPN board. There's also some other great info there as well that I recommend you read. (Thanks, Francine, for putting that on your page so I don't have to repeat myself.)

Ahhh, surgery. That's another toughie. In one sense, it is good that Morgan is old enough to be part of the decision. On the other hand, I'm sure that will make it much more difficult for you. Since she doesn't know any differently, I think it's quite possible that she might tell you that she doesn't want surgery. (Of course, I have no idea of course what she would say, but it seems like most children at that age would just say no surgery.) I don't envy parents making that decision for the first time around at that age b/c while you want to involve the child in the decision, you also have to think about what you ultimately might do. If you think it's best for her to have surgery and are going to have it done regardless of how she feels about it, then you're going to have to approach it much differently than if you really do want her to have some input in the decision. I don't personally don't think that children at that age have enough of a longterm outlook to really realize the implications of having surgery vs. not -- in terms of function, pain, etc. I tend to think that they look to the more short-term future when making decisions. I guess I'm not helping you much, just saying that I emphathize with you. The only thing I can say in a non-medical opinion is that at this point, you can pretty confidently say that whatever function Morgan does not have yet, it is not too likely that it will come w/o surgery, so I think you can feel pretty confident about whatever decision you make in this area. If you are going to do surgery, I would also say the sooner the better b/c the longer you wait, the longer the compensatory movements have been practiced / habits set in and I've also read experiences that seem to indicate that the surgery is more painful as children get older.

Well, I hope this helps. Welcome to our BP community. Sorry that Morgan has an injury, but I'm glad that you found us.

-Tina, Mom to Nicole (3 y.o., LBPI)

[TNT1999]

Christy, I really like the thoughts that you expressed about the dr. who injured Brittney. Also, Nicole was much younger when we were faced with our first surgery decisions, I understand your feelings about it being much more difficult at her age. I do think about that when parents of older children post here about that and know that it must be so tough. How do you let them be a part of the decision unless you're definitely going to choose the path that they want??? Also, what child would choose surgery at age 7 or 8?? I suppose some would, but I would think that most cannot fully appreciate the longterm implications of the decision one way or the other. Anyway, I don't mean to go on, just wanted to say that I appreciate your post and emphasize with you and other parents that go through those difficult decisions at that point. -Tina )