United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi everyone....We moved & had baby #3 this summer, so I haven't posted...just no free time!! Our lawyer just contacted us to say they set a December date for our deposition. Any advice on how not to get too emotional during the proceedings? I don't think the doctor will be with us, they're doing his separately. Still, I hate when I "lose it" in front of strangers. Any advice on how I can keep calm (I cry soooo easily!!!)....Thanks...Jack's Mom

Jody, don't worry if you get emotional. How can you not get emotional. It's hard to talk about. Just state the facts. Who cares about the drs. attorney anyway! Good luck.

Jody - just remember that they'll be playing with your head and that they are doing it on purpose to find out if you will be a good witness in court or not. They'll find your "hole" and just play around in there just to get you!

I brought a picture of Maia and put it in a locket that I wore and I just held it the whole time and reminded myself that this was for HER. I was willing to be jabbed and prodded and emotionally ripped apart because I was doing this for her and for no other reason. They don't care what you think or how you feel - they don't give two hoots about you or your child. Sounds harsh? It's the truth.

Get tough. Cry at home a whole lot before you even go. Imagine the worst questions. Imagine someone trying to make you out to be the worst mother in the world. Imagine them trying to find a way to make it your fault.

Once you get there - you'll be fine. You'll be strong. You will stand your ground. You will stand tall. I always said - "As long as I didn't reach over and pull Maia's head myself - there's no way this is MY fault."

And before my depositions, a good friend reminded me that the most important things to do is sleep well, eat well, and just take care of yourself before your depositions so that you are completely present to the process. She was very wise.

And then again - remember that I'm preparing you for the worst--- it might be easy - might last an hour or two and might be nothing....and if you cry and lose it - that's ok too. There was one point I started to cry and wanted to vomit and I just ran out of there and had to go outside to scream.

Imagine all of us standing behind you supporting you through it, too. I know you will be fine.

big hugs,
francine

Jody, Francine gave excellent advice. You can take as MANY breaks you need if you feel you need to excuse yourself. Another bit of advice is your not on trial..there going to make you feel like you are & you'll feel the need to defend yourself & get upset but TRY not to. I know easier said than done but there tricky little blank blank blanks LOL. You know the truth & thats all that matters. GOOD LUCK!!!
Ashley & Melissa

You should just let your emotions flow. Maybe it is good for them to see that. Tell them ahead of time that this is "real hard for you" So excuse yourself for getting emotional, at least you are being honest to yourself and not hiding. They will try to beat you down but in the end I know this will make you stronger. I should take my own advice.

I take a lot of depos and here is my advice:

1. Always tell the truth.
2. Do not give them more information than is asked for in the question. If the question calls for a yes no response - just answer yes or no. This is not the time to tell your story. The defense attorney would love nothing more than for you to ramble on about everything that has happened so he can take your statements out of context and use it against you later.
3. Take you time and think about the question before you answer. Your testimony will be transcribed in a booklet. No one will see how long it took for you to answer.
4. If you need a break ask for it.
5. Do not let the lawyer bully you or intimidate you. Just answer the question to the best of your ability. Look the attorney in the eye when you answer (This is a sign that attorneys look for to see if the deponent is being honest). If you do not understand a question or need it repeated make sure you tell the attorney. Once you reply your answer is on the record as your sworn testimony.
6. Its ok to cry. Just don't become over emotional where you cannot control yourself. Do not scream or become openly angry. Remember they are judging what you say and how you act as a witness in the courtroom. They want to see if they can push your buttons.
7. Remember you are not an expert. If they ask you for medical conclusion - like how much will your child improve in the future - unless your attorney advises otherwise - you really cannot answer that question.
8. See if your attorney can give you a sample medical malpractice depo to look at - like one from a prior client so you can get use to the questions.
9. Ask your attorney if he has any prior interaction with the defense attorney - if so what is his (or their) demeanor during depos)
10. Make sure your attorney takes time to prepare you for the depo.
11. Your families damage will include how this affected your lives. Think about that before you go to the depo- holidays, birthdays, vacations, family outings, social events, playing with other families, etc.
12. Do not minimize the injuries but do not exagerate either. Be humble.
13. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO DECIPHER WHO WAS MOST AT FAULT - THE OBGYN, THE DOCTOR, THE HOSPITAL, etc. THEY ARE ALL AT FAULT IN SOME WAY AND YOU KNOW THEY DID THINGS WRONG AND YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD AND FAMILY HAS SUFFERED.

If you need more info let me know!