We're finally home!!
Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2003 2:20 pm
Ashley has just had her third surgery. Biceps rerouting, tendon lengthing, & an osteotomy & man oh man what a nightmare this was!! I don't know how many of your kids have had the osteotomy but I certainly wasn't expecting my child to be in as much pain as she was for two days! I wish i had been more prepared for that. Pain Meds were just not working...staff had to try different ones that would work for her orally. She started out with the morphine drip...ofcourse she had to be "hit" every 7 minutes, she was in such excruciating pain, then we had to ween her from that to get her on oral pain meds...tylenol w/codeine didn't work we finally ended up w/ oxycodone & valium for the muscle spasms....terrible muscle spasms. We ended up leaving after three days, typically children that have had this procedure leave after staying one night but because we couldn't get a handle on pain managment we stayed. I've never seen my baby suffer so much. I've always been so sure of my choices for surgery....this is the first time i doubted myself & felt guilty for "doing this to her". I prayed to god the first night she cried for nearly 3 hrs in pain that when this cast comes off it would have been worth it. All the anger as resurfaced regarding her injury & i feel that "hate" all over again...How could they do this to my little girl.....& try to defend themselves?? I know that hate is terrible & it will consume me & take over my life but today I "hate" them perhaps tomorrow I will get a grip on this again but today well......alls i see is my little girl. Please someone tell me that this is okay...& normal after each surgery for these feelings to resurface. Today is the first day she has been as close to normal...she hasn't had to have her valium all day we're getting there. I guess i just wasn't expecting things to be so hard emotionally but it sure is good to be home.