United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi everyone,
I was wondering if Erb's palsy affects your self esteem. I must say it has for me. I am 35 years old and have it in my left arm. I guess comments over the years made to me have made me very aware and self conscious of my problem. Recently, when I go out somewhere I usually carry a purse in that hand or put my hand in my pocket to avoid questions that I do not feel comfortable answering. Its just the "I feel sorry for you look" that I do not like from people. A few days ago, a guy told me that there was a lady that looked exactly like me in the bank, but he said she did'nt carry her arm like I did when she walked. I felt horrible about the comment. Do any of you have an esteem problem because of Erb's palsy? Thanks

Hi Trinda

I think it does have an effect on our self-esteem no matter how hard our parents may have tried to prevent it. When we are old enough to realize we can't do what other people can do and also comments like the one this man made impact our self esteem. Almost everyone has something that causes them to loose self-esteem but we just get an extra dose of issues to over come.

Comments like that are rude there is no doubt about it! Some people are clods and insensitive and you cannot change them. You can change your reaction to them.

It took years for me to build self-esteem and keep it!
Sometimes remarks hit us at a down moment and we just hurt. Try to remember that people like that are not worth your energy... or carry around a card that explains bpi and hand it to them after rude remarks. A card about the size of a business card with a description of the brachial plexus.

Kath

Self esteem does become a factor having erb's palsy I think. My arm (left obpi) most people cannot tell by looking at me that I have it. Most people notice by my shoulder winging out. I think I tend to beat myself up more about it then anyone else. I have been trying to get back into college and it seems like everything that I'm interested in (surgical tech, x-ray tech) that you have to have good arm and hand dexterity. That's depressing. They even give you physical exams here before they will accept you into the program. I was told that I couldn't become a hairdresser (or) that my arm wouldn't last through it and I'd be in too much pain. Well, what did I do. I became a hairdresser. Did it for ten years and it finally caught up to me. I don't like being told I can't do something. That I think is what keeps me going. But, in the meantime, yes, I do beat myself up about it. As for school, I'm not going to go this semester due to the fact that I am scheduled to have surgery on Sept. 11 at TCH. I sit here every day looking at my catalog wondering...will I ever have a different career now?? It's hard, and yes, most people don't understand however, I look beyond it. I look to the little girl who can't walk, or the person who can't hear or see. And I know that I can make it through this!!! Hope it helps! Keep your chin up girl!! *HUGS*

Hi Trinda,
Sure, self-esteem is really an issue with everybody, but it's largely up to you. My self-esteem went way up recently when I discovered, by reading about obpi on the internet, that SO MANY infants suffer some bp injury during birth (many heal completely or to a lage extent). I don't mean to say missery likes company: I'm saying that we're not as unusual as some would think - it just happens that the injury in our case was more severe. Some people (like that man with the rude remarks) are just stuck on the idea that this is a dog eat dog world and those kinds of people think they're doing themselves some good only when they are being bad to others. Nothing you say to them will change them and, if anything, they will use your attempt to communicate as an opportunity to cause you further injury. If he accosts you again tell him it's none of his business and tell him that his choices are to go away or go to jail. If he gets nastier alert the police. Don't forgive him. Don't let him put the onis on you. Some people think that if a person has a disability that is automatically there right to administer punishment. I would advise that if they punish you, punish them. I don't want to sound cantancorous all the time so I'll allow a degree of stupidity from others - after all they are'nt familiar with this kind of disability, but I try to draw the line when I think someone is being abusive towards me. I hope this is helpful. :0) As Joseph Champbell would say "Find your bliss".

Rachelcasa - I have a comment for you. I'm a radiology nurse.....I work with a doctor who has a radiology tech for a wife. She quit working in the last couple years (I think because she can!!), BUT - she was born with no left arm below the elbow! Her problem did not stop her. I'm sure it slowed her down some and made her do things differently, but if she did it, so can you! I also know a doctor at my hospital who lost a hand in a boating accident while he was in medical school. He has a prosthesis (unlike the doctor's wife), and does a lot of physical things at the bedside, such as put in central iv lines in the jugular veins, and he does it with basically one hand. His prosthesis is just a helper. So, while I can't speak for myself, I will be encouraging my son, who is 7, to do whatever he wants. I will worry of course about whether or not he can do it, as I'm sure you worry, but I've seen it done!
I work diligently to keep my son's self-esteem up, and so far so good. I know you all know this, but you're so much more than an arm that doesn't work well! You are all cool people! We parents look up to you! Good luck!!

hi.
I think i was a lot worse when i was younger because i was afraid of ANYONE asking about my arm bcos i coudlnt reply to them with anythin sensible. But im 17 now and im a fairly confident person, i think bcos iv jst left school and iv been to school with the same people since i was younger theyv all learned to accept me for who i am, and we'v all learned to joke about my arm(sounds cruel but its easy). A group of us go to the gym and swimming and i do upperbody work but not on my right side as much bcos i cant and when i go into the gym the instructor always laughs and calls me the leftside hulk! lol. and we race at swimming and i am toddling behind becos im not a strong swimmer! I think i have regained my confidence definately over the last year or so by just making a joke about my arm.

One thing i am worried about is starting university in September...there will b questions and the people will think im mad if i jst laff it off and walk away. but i suppose once iv explained it once then i can work on making a joke of it! I think that if we are in a surrounding that we are comfortable we can b confident but when we venture out of that, thats when we have to think "keep my chin up" and keep up the confidence!

Michelle x

Hi this Is a great qeustion. when I was young they call me stud are and was made fun it took me a long time to deal with it.I learned one fact I have ERBS I dont need to think about what other think nor will other stop me from trying that there opion I refuse to give in and handicap myself to with the fear of self esteem issues It does no good try for a goal if it doesnt work out YOU STILL TRYED and be proud of that tell people about your arm dont hide it . Im unemployed right now I have 20 driving a Semi my Erbs arm is bent up and I can only apply for jobs that only deal with driving not floor loads I dont get some jobs

Thanks Jamie!! Thats really encouraging for me. I appreciate your comments. Like I said before, I was told I couldn't do hair either and did that. I have the will power to do it. I will still keep on trying to reach my goals! *S* Your great!

I feel like you in my life. And I have always tried to hide my arm. Maybe this has no meaning but people's behaviour made me behave and feel like you. So sorry.

Think of a person who has no clothes on and he has to join the public and live with them Is it possible for him to live comfortably? No. What I feel is like that. I don't expect anybody to understand that but this is the way I think. Maybe it is a bit different to compare disability with nudity.