United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Maia and a friend went to this place we like called Discovery Dig. It's a farm that has a HUGE sandbox (50X50 feet)... it's filled with sand and gemstones,shells,and fossils. It's great therapy and when you can't make it to the beach it's so nice to just sit in the sand and make castles.. anyway - afterwards we took the kids to Dairy Queen and I placed our order with a nice young lady. All I noticed was her smile and personality - very sweet. But when she handed me the ice cream I noticed that both of her hands were (for lack of a better description) backwards and very contracted.

She handled her tasks with ease. She made our ice creams, took my money and even gave me change - easily -happily -and really FAST!

I wanted so much to say something to her but I thought that I shouldn't say anything because it might come out wrong.

What I would have said to her is that she gave me a lot of HOPE for Maia.

If I see her again should I not say anything or say something. What's the right thing to do..... Now I know how other people feel when they want to say something about Maia and do or decide not to... it's uncomfortable not knowing what's right or what's wrong. And would anything I would have said been taken the wrong way?

-francine

Francine,
My sister was born with a birth defect in her right leg. They ended up amputating at the ankle and she now wears a prosthetic(sp?) leg since 4 years old. She is now 22 years old. We have talked many times about her situation. She would much rather someone come right out and ask her what happened or ask her anything about it than to stare. She doesn't mind at all for anyone to talk to her about it. I know a few other handicapped people that are pretty much the same way. I think that the older people get, they tend to be a little more outgoing and comfortable with their 'difference' and don't really mind talking about it as much as some people might think. Of course, you will always have some people that have not come to terms with their 'difference' and do not like to talk about it. I have found though, that if they are the latter, they will usually tell you nicely that they do not want to talk about it. Growing up with my sister the way she is, I am pretty outgoing and straightforward. It is nothing for me to come right out and ask if I am really curious or as some people say 'nosey'.
I have also found that alot of the times, it really helps with the persons self esteem to have someone comment on their 'difference' in a good way. But everyone is different and it is really hard to know when to say something and when to keep your mouth shut.
I know I would much rather someone to ask me or my daughter about her arm than to stare like she was some kind of outcast or handicap. I do not like to think of my daughter as handicapped, just a little different than other people.
I don't know if this helps at all, but this is how I would look at the situation.
Terri

I had a similar experience with a young man in a supermarket. I wrote a note to the manager congratualting him on his choice of staff and the happy and helpful way this young man served me stating it was refrehing ot get good customer service

Forgot to mention I found out this boys name and used his name and made no mention of his injury. I felt he did way better than those without a handicapp and it did not need to be mentioned because it made no difference to his work.I did this to reinforce the manager in keeping him and also because he was so good handicap or not.

Francine, yesterday Elizabeth attended a library birthday bash for Ohio (Ohio's bicentennial is this year). They have teen volunteers who had little games set up for the young kids...and one girl (8th grade probably) had prosthetics on both arms (elbow down) and her feet were very small and deformed. I stood in amazement as she used her prosthetics with ease. I wanted to hug her! She, too, gave me hope for Elizabeth.

Francine:

If I were in your shoes, I would say something to the young lady the next time I went into Dairy Queen. I would comment on how good of a job she is doing. Then, I would say something to the effect of my daughter also has problems with one of her arms. When I saw you it gave me so much hope for her future. You are truly an inspiration. Then she probably will start talking about what acutally happened to her. If it does happen to be Erb's, then you could also open the doors for her to many things she might not even know about. When you tell her that she is doing a great job, I am sure that you will make her day. I know it would me. We always here negative things & that would be something very positive for her.

Take care,
Deanna

Oh yeah, I had to say one more thing. Francine you will know what to say because you know how Maia would feel. There is always a right & wrong way to say things. My boss just came out & said she noticed I didn't use my right arm that much & what was wrong. That made me mad!! She could of said in a much better way. After she said that I wanted to say it was none of your business, but I want to keep my job

Deanna

well you see guys I just got out of two months of daily questions and outloud gasps from people seeing maia in her airplane splint...that I guess I didn't feel comfortable saying anything for hope it wouldn't come out right... but next time I go in there...and we'll choose that place over the other places we usually go to - I will definitely tell her how much of an inspiration she is.

She is just amazing!
-francine