United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hey.
I was just reading through the replys to the Food Buffet post and just began to wonder if any other people with Erbs dont like to ask for help?

Personally, I would like to take my time over something and do it myself rather than ask someone else. At school, i usually eat at the cafe and i manage my own tray...and walking back to the common room with a tray and gettin bombarded with 1st yrs rushiing to the playground is a bit of a task but i just couldnt ask anyone else for help. I dont know why this is but id just feel awkward or even a little stupid askin someone my age to help me carry my tray to the common room. I just hold back until the corridor is clear for me to walk down with my tray. This is in an environment where i know the ppl so i would have no chance in public.

Last year my and my boyfriend went to Portsmouth to visit my Nana and we stopped at a service station to get something to eat and i lifted a tray and began to choose my food, my boyfriend put his on the tray and i slid it along to the til. After we had payed he said they it was too heavy for me to carry "with my arm" so he took it! that made me mad that he had to help me and i knew that he was right but i would have prefered to do it myself and get a table close by!

Why is this? do you think it is because we'v struggled to do things that everyone else does with ease that we want to prove somethin? or is it because we think its givin up...im not sure!

Are there any other BPIs that feel like this?

Michelle

I've got used to people helping when I don't want them too, my own family know better nowadays but well meaning strangers don't. I've had to learn not to bite their heads off :0) I've never had a problem asking for help when I need it, especially as I've got older, but I was 21 when I got injured and didn't care as much as I probably would have when I was younger and more self conscious. Sometimes I try to do things that are very hard with one hand and people around start hovering to help, I wonder what they are doing as what looks like a terrible struggle to anyone else just seems normal to me, then it dawns on me-it's my arm! Of course this is a hard thing to do.....then I accept the help offered, it's often not that I want to try and do it myself, it's that I forget i have only one arm. Some days I feel pig headed and just won't let anyone help at all......that's just the way I sometimes feel, it's not good tho and I do try not to be like that, but hey, I'm only human (and I have hormones lol) Another thing I learned to do is befriend your postie or milkman, over the years (especially when I had small babies) they have proved invaluable at helping me, as regular two handed visitors to the house they can be very useful! There are several uk posties and now one in New Zealand who are VERY bpi aware as a result!(thanks Howard-just today he fixed my daughters kite tangle....)
That's just me of course, I think we are all different in how we cope and perceive ourselves, but I love reading how others in different circumstances have those same issues with life in general.

For me, I think it is that I have always looked so normal that when I did ask for help-I was looked at as being lazy. I just quit asking. Antone else have this problem?

Asking for help.... it the very last thing I ever think to do... that does not make me right! its just I hate anyone to take anything out of my hands...

I think it has to do with the struggle we had when we were small learning to do ordinary things and trying hader then most... When we accomplished anything it was a great feat for us... and people always want to help and we just want to do it ourselves...
Michelle... I think we are all a little independent and stuborn.... If we were not persistant and stuborn we would never have learned to move at all....

My kids love to tell the story about the funniest fight my husband and I had ... when they were teenagers... He put his hand in the drawer while I was looking for something he tried to help me.... and I lost it!!! Explaining how I am capable and if I want help I will ask for it.... yack .... yack... yack... LOL... I had sparks shooting out of my eyes...LOL... While we were fighting my kids were rolling on the floor laughing... That did not make me a happy camper... One of them mentioned it the other day when I asked her to do something... LOL..

Kath

Michelle:
My wife is always asking how I did something that she knows is a challenge for me. Overhead tasks are especially difficult but it just doesn't always occur to me to ask for help. However, I know that sometimes she would like to be asked and would feel good to know that she has helped me with something that I was struggling with. Balancing our independence with asking for help is not simple but I think others, particularly those with whom we have a strong relationship, can benefit from our asking too.

John P.

Michelle

John hit the nail on the head. Those that care for us would like to help but we often don't even ask...

I would suggest trying to ask for help sooner then later... Being too independent leads to overuse on the good "healthy" arm... better to take good care of it while you are young... not baby yourself but don't over do on that side...

Kath

I don't have much experience with this since my little LOBPI is only two. But I can say that he's got the most independent strong-willed streak I've ever seen in my life. He's been a challenge to parent of late, but I keep telling myself it's a good thing because it's that will that's allowed him to stay on target with his development stages. In all respects he's a "normal" kid because he's bound and determined he's going to find a way to do things like very other kid around him. It's something I'm ver proud of him for.--Kari